North vs. South 7


Friday night: Dick calls to weasel a ride up to Club 54 with me. He always accuses me of being cheap but he’s the one always looking to bum a ride to save gas money. To further demonstrate his lack of social graces he always wants to debate what time I’m leaving i.e. maximize his sleep time. If you’re begging for a ride shouldn’t you just agree to show up when the driver is leaving? To top off this class act he’s taking Heidi to dinner at the Columbia Mall food court. This prompts me to text her later:

Hawk: Please tell me he’s not getting laid off a food court dinner date.

Heidi: Hell no!

Hawk: Good girl.

Heidi: And we went dutch!

Heidi: Ass!

I snickered about this all evening.

Meanwhile Jerman is whipped into a frenzy trying to get some $idebet action among us in what is a team event. It is called North vs. South after all. He can’t grasp this concept. I try to explain several times the focus is on the South beating the North and not how any one player for the South finishes in relation to another Southerner but how many Northerners we can push down the standings. He’s too dense to comprehend this. Jorge finally texts back asking him if he is having money troubles and needs a loan. Jorge with the dagger! The three of us agree to not bet Jerman anymore to drive him into a total frustration meltdown.

Saturday: Dick had asked me to swing through the parking lot of Dunkin Donuts on my way out and “if you see a fat guy in the parking lot holding a bag of donuts pick him up.” I do as requested and don’t see Dick or any other candidates at 0713. I text Dick as I begin the drive. He’s still laying in bed trying to decide if he wants to limp around 54 holes at Codorus. 30 minutes later my cell phone vibrates and it’s Dick saying he’ll miss registration by one minute according to his GPS and to sign him in. He also declares that he thinks this will be his last competitive event. Fortunately I lose cell reception as I get closer to Club 54 allowing me to escape this conversation.

I arrive at registration to find a line and a free for all. Jdot has turned the process over to the masses.


I wonder if this really gets you any action? I end up stepping in and organizing the score-port. Sparky shows up toting his ‘Sac.


His is developing that cool used look. I’m starting on hole #4 with Jdot, Wayne “Damnit” Zink and Joel. The South has once again out mustered the North as we have 8 more players.


And we’re off! For the first 27 we’re playing the blue course and the x-holes. Wayne let’s it fly on #4:

Joel and I drove  here on #5.

You don’t want to be there. Jdot tees off on #6:

Jdot snaps me teeing off on #6:

Note my stylish Stiles customized Maryland tie dye hoodie. Joel on #6:

I am hoping to stay within 10 throws of these guys. Jdot tees off on #8:

Followed by Wayne:

Wayne deuces #9:

As does Jdot:

Jdot’s drive on #10 goes awry:

Wayne putting on #10:

Joel deuces #12:

As does Jdot:

Jdot’s drive on 1X clears the trees…

and lands pin high to the left. His putt…

…sounds in but there’s a thud and it’s on the ground. He’s not playing…

…but he’s vandalized the bench on 5X. Jdots’s drive on 5X is now part of our “you don’t want to be here” series:

Joel deuces 5X:

My new pink Sidewinder gave me a deuce as well on 5X:

Jdot deuces 7X:

Jdot deuces #17:

On #18 I park the basket with the Leopard…

…and begin a late deuce run. Wayne also deuces #18 in more dramatic fashion:

All four of us deuce #1:

The Coyote lands for my third deuce in a row on #2:

At the break Jerman (and his 90) bails on the tourney solidifying his team first reputation.

Dick hits an ace on #13 and then tries to pay into the ace pot. This man knows no shame.

Dick: 86

Hawk: 88

Stiles and I assist Jdot and Linc doing scorecards and hole assignments for round two which is the red course and the cross country holes. Stiles shot an 87 so we put ourselves on the same card with 14 year old Matty for three South against Tony from the North.

Stiles: Of course we’re going to get our asses handed to us by a 14 year old.

Hawk: At least his mom caddy’s for him so we can check her out.

Stiles: She is cute.

We start on #13 which is the short dinky hole on red. El Tie Dye drives and deuces out of the gate:

Yes he dyed that himself as well as the polo underneath! Tony is putting with the softest Omega Supersoft I’ve ever seen. His putt on #13 literally folded/oozed/slinkyed over the top of the tray into the basket like a wet rag over a towel rack. Matty’s mom is nowhere to be seen. Matty drives on #16…

…and makes the putt for the deuce:

Matty: You’re only carrying four discs?
Hawk: That’s all I need.

Matty: You need more than that Leopard.

Thus begins the bantering with Matty. On 2CC Matty gets hosed out of a deuce as this putt…

…slams chains and one chain disconnects and the putts hits the ground. Matty tees off on 3CC on his way to a six:


Stiles snaps me teeing off on 3CC:

Matty: Your form is not any good.

Hawk: I don’t have a six on my card.

On 6CC Matty drives his putter and parks the basket. He makes his deuce putt while sitting on his stool:

Matty: I can understand you not being able to drive to this basket at your age.

Hawk: Again I’m not toting a six.

Matty: I can throw my putter 400′.

Hawk: What’s your best bench press?

This goes on back and forth and Matty eventually begins to actually annoy Stiles who is easy going normally.

Stiles: His enthusiasm hasn’t been crushed by the reality of life yet.

Hawk: You mean an ex-wife and two kids he’s sending a third of his paycheck to in Florida each month?

Stiles: Exactly. Or his eventual realization that there is no fame and fortune is disc golf on his, or anyone’s, horizon.

Hawk: You think we should steer him to rock/paper/scissors?

Stiles: That is at least broadcast on ESPN.


Matty: Seriously Hawk I want to have a distance competition with you.

Hawk: After that we’ll go to Hooters and see who walks out with one of the waitresses.

Stiles: Only one?

Hawk: I don’t want to totally blow his mind.


Matty: That’s why I’m playing Advanced and not Pro yet.

Hawk: Waiting for some chest hair before playing Open?


Hawk: Matty where’s your mom?

Matty: She’s at home.

Stiles and I exchange disappointed looks.

Hawk: Matty do you know what a MILF is?


Matty: Are you guys going to ever get the tee again?

Hawk: At least we’re not wearing that hat.

On #3 Matty overshoots the basket leaving himself a long par putt. He is on the South so I need him to make this.

Hawk: Matty if you miss this there’s no t.v. for you tonight.

He slams the putt.


Matty: I’m tired.

Hawk: Is this usually your nap time?


Matty: What division do you play?

Tony: Advanced Masters

Matty: That’s intermediate for old guys (I can’t argue this with him)

Tony: I’m too old to hang with you young guys.

Hawk: We did however drive ourselves here.

Matty: You should practice more to get better.

Stiles: We have jobs.

Tony: I own my own business.

I should point out that Tony is my photo fail of this tourney. He had these interesting black earrings in both ears that were sort of like icicles and hung from the front and back of each lobe.

I string together another deuce turkey this round getting #’s 6-8. No photos as Matty was a full time conversation.  

On #7 Matty brings up his sister. I ask if she is hot. He doesn’t know how to answer that. Tony runs his deuce on #8:

My big fail of the day was #10 the new island hole. I was 2-0 on this from the “pro” tee with the Leopard. Today was from the “am” tee and I yanked the Coyote, drop zone, missed putt…hello five. Matty deuces #11:

Round over.

Dick: 85 (171)

Hawk: 88 (176)

NutSac Challenge Point Standings:

Jerman: 6

Hawk: 3

Dick: 2

It’s chaos at score tallying as Jdot abdicates the responsibility to Stiles and me:

The South prevails and Wayne wins overall to earn his generals star:

Final 2.0

General Zink with his growler prize (I don’t even drink!) and trophy disc:

Last year Little Joe was on my card first round and won. This year Wayne was on my card first round and won. Start your bidding now…

Official results:

1 S GENERAL Wayne Zink 77 76 153
2 S Tom Kim 76 78 154
3 N Bob Hoffman 78 77 155
3 N Devin Frederick 80 75 155
5 N Jay. Gobrecht 82 74 156
5 S Shawn Johnson 79 77 156
5 S Sean Burkett 81 75 156
8 N Mark Spang 75 82 157
9 N Bill Charron 80 80 160
9 N Dylan Horst 86 74 160
11N Nathan Laughman 82 79 161
12 N Brandon Napier 86 77 163
12 N John Blaze 83 80 163
14 S Wayman Peet 83 81 164
15 N Owen Heilman 86 79 165
15 S Ray Thompson 83 82 165
17 N Linc Morgan 83 86 169
18 N Mike Carman 89 81 170
18 S Doug Marinovich 84 86 170
18 S Joel Provencher 82 88 170
21 S Matt Evans 89 82 171
21 N Earl Frazer 82 89 171
21 S DIck Myers 86 85 171
24 N Dylan Davis 88 84 172
24 S Matty Kashimo 87 85 172
24 S Travis Freund 85 87 172
27 S Greg Meinecke 84 89 173
28 S Mark Stiles 87 87 174
28 N Eric Boger 89 85 174
30 S John Buck 89 86 175
31 N Tony C (smell) 88 88 176
31 S Stave Campbell 91 85 176
31 N Dar Zimmerman 90 86 176
31 S Hawk Corrick 88 88 176
35 S Dave Dietz 87 90 177
35 S Matt Dietz 88 89 177
35 S Mark Sherwood 90 87 177
38 S James Shook 89 90 179
38 N Jimmy Fritsch 91 88 179
38 N Wayne Trump 91 88 179
41 S Billy Rommal 99 81 180
42 S Jim Hall 91 90 181
42 N Chris Kirk 92 89 181
44 N Matt Ruhlman 91 91 182
45 S Larry Arnold 93 90 183
46 S Tom Edwards 96 89 185
….last scoring southerner

47 N Earl Jarrett 95 92 187
48 S Taco Hornbaker 97 94 191
48 S Wayne Nordberg 99 92 191
50 S George Brown 97 95 192
51 S Dave Drnberger 99 94 193
51 S Paul L 103 90 193
52 N Troy Peterson 95 101 196
54 N Jon Propalis 96 104 200
55 S Randal Earls 104 97 201

56 S Josh Lemly 108 96 204
57 N C Slivinsky 117 112 229
58 N Christy Cook 118 116 234
59 N Jeff Ross 92 DNF
59 S Jerman 90 DNF
59 N Jeff Ross 92 DNF

The South leads the series 4-3

Battalions represented….

Patapsco 4
Calvert 2
Druid 7
Seneca 6
Frederick 5
Scarboro 4
Montebello 1
Rockburn 2
Codorus 9
Lancaster 6
Nockamixon 3
Creeping creek micro brew 1
Creekside 1
Mushroom manor 1
Pinchot 3

Yes the 14 year old kicked our asses,


October 28, 2012Permalink

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