Saturday 10:49 pm a text from Dick: My knee is kinda sore, I’m 50/50.
Translation: The forecast is 89 degrees, it’s 54 holes and I’m 255 pounds.
Sunday 6:14 am a text from Dick: I’m out. I don’t want to injure my knee worse.
Translation: Please see above.
So it’s me vs. Jerman mano y mano. Who among you is shocked by this development? I roll out at 0700. I cross the Mason-Dixon Line and began meandering my way through the small hamlets of Pennsylvania between 1-83 and Hanover. Somewhere around Glen Rock I spy this on the side of the road:
I guess they got tired of the ice sculptures melting all the time. One of Codorus’s bragging points is the mini course:
I don’t really feel the excitement on this either, but I did make a forehand and backhand putt from 10′ so I figured this boded well for the day. JDot prides himself on his fitness level, he’s a gym teacher, and he’s carrying his discs around in a baby stroller!?!?:
And players wonder why the game lacks credibility…
This clearly makes it official…
…and I wonder what happens when we aren’t finished by 5 pm? At tourney central I come across an old nemesis who you will recall from last years Patapsco Picnic and the man who tried to murder me at Pinchot last year…
…the diabolically evil Chas.
Chas: We missed you at Pinchot yesterday.
Hawk: Like I’d come back there and let you clowns try and drown me again. You failed twice.
Chas: You should give us another chance.
Hawk: To kill me or run the tourney properly?
Chas: Either one.
I check in with our TD…MrDiscGolf:
I was anxious to meet the man who would dub himself MrDiscGolf. He was jovial and well organized. He didn’t have a Mohawk or a bunch of gold chains though. He does however have a logo…
Back in the parking lot I see that Jerman’s subaru comes with it’s own merit badges:
I had several questions about the leaf one. I run into Chet Butler who has a new fabulous purple bag. As a result of this, and his commitment to fashion and proper accessorizing he’s got new disc socks to match:
I’m telling you we are mere issues away from The Men of Disc appearing in GQ magazine. The player meeting begins:
As usual I quickly lose interest until I spot this contraption nearby:
Is that a “bag” or some kind of rocket launcher? I’ve seen similar things on the news from war zones. JDot steps in to help move the the players meeting along…
…it doesn’t help. Jerman pulls some score port shenanigans and gets us on the same hole. Joining us is Dan. You’ll remember Dan from the second round at the Soiree. We begin on Cross County (CC) 7:
Jerman tees off into the light:
Jerman and I both four CC7. We’re excited about this. On to CC8. The wheels start to come off. I kick right and Jerman begins feverishly snapping pics…
…I take a 5. Jerman doesn’t. The rare shot from in front of the thrower on CC9. Unfortunately this position was my second shot and the boys were throwing from their drives:
At CC9 we find our first evidence of the Boh Beer Boys presence:
He’s a Codorus scofflaw who not only ignores the state park rule of no alcohol, but likes to leave his empties on the course taunting the authorities. On Red 1 Jerman sinks this putt to go 4 up on me after 4 holes:
He deuces Red 2 while I 4 to go up on me by 6. This is a disaster. I have to go into Fisherman mode with 49 holes to go! I rally with this drive on my nemesis Red 3:
Spectators at Red 4:
Jerman deuces Red 5 as I’ve stopped the bleeding and we’re trading body blows. On Red 6 Jerman’s hair flies along with his disc:
Followed by Dan:
Meanwhile I park it with the red Leopard for another deuce:
Dan tees off on Red 7:
On Red 8 Jerman makes this tricky downhill OB threatening putt for a deuce:
We get to Red 10 now featuring the OB island of death. I have the tee. I once again unleash the Leopard and park the pin for a deuce:
Red 10: 0
Mere mortals approach this tee with grave trepidation. 50% of the players have visible trickles of urine running down their legs as they attempt to execute this shot. Jerman “launches” his drive…
…and comes up short banging his disc into the front of the wall. It’s the drop zone re-tee for him:
Dan also failed so he joined Jerman at the kiddie tee:
I follow that deuce up with another on Red 11:
Jerman gets nervous. Another deuce for me on Red 13:
I’m not sure what it’s about, but if you happen to be in the area…
On Red 14 you have to throw between the two mandos and weave your way through the line of thin trees. Dan…
…misses to the right. Jerman plunks one of the trees:
I make it through. I pick up more strokes. We’re backed up waiting to throw Red 15. Jerman begins analyzing the scorecard.
Hawk: I think you’ve still got me by a couple.
Jerman: I think you’ve got me by a couple now.
Hawk: Really? I’ve made up all that ground?
Hawk: I lost so many strokes in the Cross Country holes!
On Red 15 my drive…
…turns right and goes over the road (all asphalt is OB) and Jerman gets excited, but I hyzer back in and skip off the road safe. I hear muttering behind me. It’s not coming from Dan.
On Red 15 I boink this putt off the tray…
…to miss the heroic 4. On Red 17 Jerman is way short and manages to land next to the only tree on the hole. I’m smelling another stroke, but he manages to Jer up for his three:
Earlier I had noticed that the group in front of us, in some bizarre coincidence were all wearing grey shirts. Walking down the fairway of Red 18 I spot the group teeing off on CC2 and they all have red shirts on:
On Red 18 I make this putt to save a three:
Steam is coming out of Jerman’s head. We catch up with the grey card on CC1:
Hawk: Guys you need to get a tie dye polo so we can be uniform like the other cards.
Jer: Not happening.
Dan: I’ll DNF first.
I’ve got Jer by 2 as we return to the Cross County holes. Bad things begin to happen again i.e I’m losing a throw to Jer on each hole. I think the CC stands for Cursed Course! On the tee at CC2 we find a birdhouse…
…and watch as the parent feeds the chicks. Dan wipes a tear from his eye. We got to CC3…
…which is the hardest hole I’ve ever played. Dan tees off on CC3:
Followed by Jerman:
You can see his green driver heading straight down the left “fairway.” It was probably the best shot of his life. It lands 80% down the fairway. I look around for a downed branch to club him to death with. I’ve lost throws to him on each of the CC holes since we pushed CC7!
I tee off on CC3:
The only moral victory I had on CC3 was Jer botching a fairly easy approach to deny himself the rare 3. I took a five or six. It’s all kind of a blur. The Boh Boy is back on CC3:
Dan on 4CC trying to make the turn:
On CC5 Jerman throws his Goblin down the hill and boinks it off the tray missing an ace by about three inches too low and two inches too left. We get to our last hole CC6. Jer and Dan pose for the obligatory card pic:
Dan insists on snapping Jer and I together:
I manage to resist the temptation to strangle Jer. He has regained the lead over my by three throws. He launches his last drive of the round…
…and parks it for a deuce. His is the orange disc of unknown origin. I regret not strangling him when we were at the tee near the lake. Opportunities lost!
Me and Dan at the conclusion of the first round:
This is not the manliest photo you could ever take. Dan’s beaten me by 1. I told Jer we were good for a double digit advantage over Dan at the start of the round. I was horribly mistaken.
It’s lunch time. After Jerman spills melted ice all over his crotch “accidentally” we mosey over to the lunch wagon that turns out to be a lunch table & grill:
I select the country sausage:
Hawk: How is this different than a city sausage?
Red haired lady: Ummm…
JDot and Park Honcho Tim:
Tim’s support of disc is why the courses at Codorus are so awesome. The second round finds me carded with The Glove and Kim. You may recall Kim from Stupid Pohick last season. Kim shot one throw worse than me. Kim ate 18(!) penalty throws from the first round when he and his card threw from the wrong tee 9 times. Based on that math I suspect that Kim will quickly tail light The Glove and me. The Glove tees off on 5x to get us started:
Followed by Kim:
I out drive and out place both of them, but we all get threes. Things start to go bad for me on 7x when my second throw ends up here:
I’m in a bush hut. You could actually live inside this thing. The Glove nearly pulls off the rare 3 on 9x:
On Blue 2 The Glove drives to the rec tee…
…which I had to document. Blue 5 is a big downhill. Kim announces he’s going to throw a putter (Dart) down the hill:
It’s a three. Meanwhile I’m having a very frustrating round. My throws are flat and going where I want them to, but I’m catching every bad break in the book.
Hawk: This is unbelievable.
The Glove: Sometimes it’s just bad luck.
We aren’t making the 5 pm cut-off:
The Glove has a similar crap lie on Blue 11 to what Dan had on CC4:
Get to know the shrubbery! Kim threes 3x…
…as our afternoon nears its completion. I entered the round thinking if I shot another 95 on this layout (as I did in practice two weeks ago) I could reel Jerman in. I figured he’d have to fade in the afternoon heat.
As we were waiting to start on 5x Chas was on the adjacent 7x tee. He goaded me into a $1 bet for the round. I don’t bet on disc anymore, but I figured I’d make an exception for the token dollar. We catch up to Chas and his card as we finish 3x:
He’s wounded and wanting to know if I can make change. I don’t know what I’m shooting other than it’s not great.
Chas: I’ve got to be over 100.
Hawk: Me to.
The Glove starts tallying some of the 9′s and I see I’ve got a 37 and a 35. Oh oh…
Walking up 4x…
Kim: I won Advanced at Pinchot yesterday.
The Glove: Yeah but today is a different day.
Kim and The Glove pose after we brutalize 4x to finish our round and day:
Jerman: 95 (186)
Hawk: 105 (200)
NutSac Challenge Standings:
Clearly he’s winning this bet (again) and clearly I won’t be suckered into this in 2013 (again).
Back at tourney central more misery is piled on my day as Chas reports he shot a 101 in the second round to best me:
MrDiscGolf insists on snapping the pic. Note my sincere smile of congratulations.
Complete results are here: http://www.pdga.com/tournament_results/91883
Jerman: I tied for third!
Hawk: That’s still losing!
Additional photos courtesy of Jerman and his fancy new toy which also has some creepy special effect capabilities…
Jerman’s wife via text: He’s not really weaing a tie dye polo with khaki’s is he?
Kiss don’t kill,