Rockburn Rumble

Dick called me this morning as he was driving to the park to perform his TD duties:

Dick: So will your recent string of beat downs of me continue or will you choke under tourney pressure?

Hawk: Who’s calling please?

Arriving at the park Dick’s got his babe magnet ride and a card table set up as he goes tourney minimalist:


In this photo (courtesy of Jorge) you’ll note several things:

1. Clearly my NutSac polos are way too big for me.

2. Dick appears to be holding a plate of cookies.

3. Service is diligently filling out scorecards so players know which baskets to throw to.

4. As with approximately half of the participants I signed in for Dick these gentlemen are flummoxed by my instructions:

Hawk: Step up and identify yourself.

Player X: I’m Player X.

Hawk: Sign your scorecard and put today’s date on it.

Player X: What is today’s date?

Hawk: Seriously. How do you navigate through your existence without this kind of basic information?

Player X: Ummmm

Hawk: Now place your card on the scoreport on whichever hole you would like to start on. Foursomes only!

Player X: Ummm…

This was repeated 65+ times…

Dick projects calm command and confidence moments before the players meeting:

The players pay dutiful attention and wonder why Dick isn’t wearing a bra:

Here Dick gestures to the parking lot where the most important part of the tourney will take place for him…


…the hot dog cart!

Dick: Any questions?

Hawk: What’s your current weight?

Dick: A svelte 255!

Round one has me carded with Coach, Jason and Dick:

Note Coach with his copyright violation Punisher disc, Jason wishing he was one some other card, me flashing the official NutSac gang sign, and Dick proudly holding his #10 tag which he courageously put up against Jason. Card photo courtesy of this dogs…

…owner. We started on hole #19 which was a temporary hole to accommodate the overflow of players. Here Dick misses his putt for a three on #1:

Dick got the course “closed” for the tourney:

I’d like to see this “permit”. On #3 Coach bombed this putt in for a deuce:

Dick matches Coach with his own deuce on #3:

Waiting out the back-up on #4 we watch Dub launch this spike hyzer…

…up and over the top to land within 20′ of the basket. We ohhhh and ahhhh appropriately.

Dick unleashes a kneeling prayer putt on #5:

His prayers went unanswered. On #6 Coach saves his three with this putt:

Some random player didn’t have the energy to take his trash with him from the tee on #9:

Dick’s second shot on #9:

This flick actually cleared the creek and landed 10′ from the basket. I was momentarily worried. Backed up again on #11 we watch Dub tee off:

At this point I notice that the camera battery is low. Zink tees of on #11…

…and parks it for a deuce. While standing at #11′s tee we see the card ahead of Dub’s card teeing off from #12′s old tee. Dick begins to bellow at them. Apparently Course Contact Billstream has recreated the original 12 tee with some bricks and flags. Here Dick tees off on #12:

He hits some trees on the left side and ends up on the other side…

…of the fence. If I had been about 10 seconds quicker I would have had the pic of him actually crawling under the fence with his ass up in the air. Coach and I are totally bummed at this failing. If it’s #14 at Rockburn, you know I deuced it:

Note Dick in the background trying to put his three on this hole out of his mind. On #16 Dick takes out his Titanium Stalker which he’s never thrown and tees off with it:

He powered it into the big tree you see over his hat. Round one concludes:

Hawk: 59

Dick: 61

Before helping Dick check scorecards etc. etc. I eat and observe this on the other side of the parking lot:

Apparently the course isn’t closed if you have a bow and a quiver of arrows! Returning to the relocated tourney central I think I spot Cooke shaving in his trucks mirror:

He insists he’s merely applying some sunscreen…and scented moisturizer. Round 2 has me carded with Coach again (matching 59′s) Andrew and Brandon. Here Coach saves a three on #11:

This occurred during my string ‘o 4′s and annoyed me. #14 once again:

This one briefly got the boys excited as it passed the basket on the right before hyzering behind it. After a decade they should know…I never ace. The round continues. I conserve the cameras battery. At the back-up on #4 I see Dick and inform him I’m +5. He reports being +3. Oh oh! That would make us tied for the day. Andrew makes this putt on #5…

…for a deuce. See the pic of Coach on #6 above from the first round. It’s the same putt as he over approaches the basket again to save a three in round 2 on #6…

…but slightly further back. Note to self-stop taking pics of Coach putting. He makes too many of them when the camera is out. My plan for the front nine was to 3 my way around (except for the obligatory 4 on #4) and assume Dick won’t rally. With two holes to go we arrive at #7. I melt down and eat a 5. I’m sure this will be the dagger that allows Dick to rally past me for the days win. I recover to get a 3 on #8. The round complete I force the boys to take the group pic:

Coach is oblivious to Andrew’s hi-jinks and Brandon is eyeing the quickest route to the parking lot so he can roll out and begin his re-hydration in front of some televised baseball.

Back at tourney central we’re one of the first cards in. I change out of the disc shoes into some flip flops and head back to find Dick. I want to leave. I’ve been here for 10 hours now. I find Dick death marching back from finishing on #10:

Dick: 64 (125)

Hawk: 65 (124)

NutSac Challenge Standings:

Jerman: 3

Dick: 1


Finally popped my cherry! More photos in the group. Tourney results are here:

I’ve taken my bows, and my curtain calls,


May 19, 2012Permalink

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