Dick called me this morning as he was driving to the park to perform his TD duties:
Dick: So will your recent string of beat downs of me continue or will you choke under tourney pressure?
Hawk: Who’s calling please?
Arriving at the park Dick’s got his babe magnet ride and a card table set up as he goes tourney minimalist:
In this photo (courtesy of Jorge) you’ll note several things:
1. Clearly my NutSac polos are way too big for me.
2. Dick appears to be holding a plate of cookies.
3. Service is diligently filling out scorecards so players know which baskets to throw to.
4. As with approximately half of the participants I signed in for Dick these gentlemen are flummoxed by my instructions:
Hawk: Step up and identify yourself.
Player X: I’m Player X.
Hawk: Sign your scorecard and put today’s date on it.
Player X: What is today’s date?
Hawk: Seriously. How do you navigate through your existence without this kind of basic information?
Player X: Ummmm
Hawk: Now place your card on the scoreport on whichever hole you would like to start on. Foursomes only!
Player X: Ummm…
This was repeated 65+ times…
Dick projects calm command and confidence moments before the players meeting:
The players pay dutiful attention and wonder why Dick isn’t wearing a bra:
Here Dick gestures to the parking lot where the most important part of the tourney will take place for him…
…the hot dog cart!
Dick: Any questions?
Hawk: What’s your current weight?
Dick: A svelte 255!
Round one has me carded with Coach, Jason and Dick:
Note Coach with his copyright violation Punisher disc, Jason wishing he was one some other card, me flashing the official NutSac gang sign, and Dick proudly holding his #10 tag which he courageously put up against Jason. Card photo courtesy of this dogs…
…owner. We started on hole #19 which was a temporary hole to accommodate the overflow of players. Here Dick misses his putt for a three on #1:
Dick got the course “closed” for the tourney:
I’d like to see this “permit”. On #3 Coach bombed this putt in for a deuce:
Dick matches Coach with his own deuce on #3:
Waiting out the back-up on #4 we watch Dub launch this spike hyzer…
…up and over the top to land within 20′ of the basket. We ohhhh and ahhhh appropriately.
Dick unleashes a kneeling prayer putt on #5:
His prayers went unanswered. On #6 Coach saves his three with this putt:
Some random player didn’t have the energy to take his trash with him from the tee on #9:
Dick’s second shot on #9:
This flick actually cleared the creek and landed 10′ from the basket. I was momentarily worried. Backed up again on #11 we watch Dub tee off:
At this point I notice that the camera battery is low. Zink tees of on #11…
…and parks it for a deuce. While standing at #11′s tee we see the card ahead of Dub’s card teeing off from #12′s old tee. Dick begins to bellow at them. Apparently Course Contact Billstream has recreated the original 12 tee with some bricks and flags. Here Dick tees off on #12:
He hits some trees on the left side and ends up on the other side…
…of the fence. If I had been about 10 seconds quicker I would have had the pic of him actually crawling under the fence with his ass up in the air. Coach and I are totally bummed at this failing. If it’s #14 at Rockburn, you know I deuced it:
Note Dick in the background trying to put his three on this hole out of his mind. On #16 Dick takes out his Titanium Stalker which he’s never thrown and tees off with it:
He powered it into the big tree you see over his hat. Round one concludes:
Before helping Dick check scorecards etc. etc. I eat and observe this on the other side of the parking lot:
Apparently the course isn’t closed if you have a bow and a quiver of arrows! Returning to the relocated tourney central I think I spot Cooke shaving in his trucks mirror:
He insists he’s merely applying some sunscreen…and scented moisturizer. Round 2 has me carded with Coach again (matching 59′s) Andrew and Brandon. Here Coach saves a three on #11:
This occurred during my string ‘o 4′s and annoyed me. #14 once again:
This one briefly got the boys excited as it passed the basket on the right before hyzering behind it. After a decade they should know…I never ace. The round continues. I conserve the cameras battery. At the back-up on #4 I see Dick and inform him I’m +5. He reports being +3. Oh oh! That would make us tied for the day. Andrew makes this putt on #5…
…for a deuce. See the pic of Coach on #6 above from the first round. It’s the same putt as he over approaches the basket again to save a three in round 2 on #6…
…but slightly further back. Note to self-stop taking pics of Coach putting. He makes too many of them when the camera is out. My plan for the front nine was to 3 my way around (except for the obligatory 4 on #4) and assume Dick won’t rally. With two holes to go we arrive at #7. I melt down and eat a 5. I’m sure this will be the dagger that allows Dick to rally past me for the days win. I recover to get a 3 on #8. The round complete I force the boys to take the group pic:
Coach is oblivious to Andrew’s hi-jinks and Brandon is eyeing the quickest route to the parking lot so he can roll out and begin his re-hydration in front of some televised baseball.
Back at tourney central we’re one of the first cards in. I change out of the disc shoes into some flip flops and head back to find Dick. I want to leave. I’ve been here for 10 hours now. I find Dick death marching back from finishing on #10:
Dick: 64 (125)
Hawk: 65 (124)
NutSac Challenge Standings:
Finally popped my cherry! More photos in the group. Tourney results are here:
I’ve taken my bows, and my curtain calls,