“Spring Break”

I had the week off so I thought I’d get some discing in…


I decide to head over to Rockburn and work with the new Roadrunner Carrie had given the official Chill treatment to:


It’s in the high 60′s but the wind is howling in the 35+ mph range. Of course everyone says the Understable Bag of Thunder won’t work in big winds. I offer this drive on #14 as proof to the contrary:


Shockingly I made the putt for the deuce. There was nothing else noteworthy about this practice round.


I thought I’d try something I rarely do because my work/gym schedule precludes my participation and the “Smokin” Joe round at Druid Triples years ago convinced me that this wasn’t my scene…yes I’m talking about random draw doubles/triples! This is the disc equivalent of swinging, but just like in actual swinging you never get partnered with the Victoria Secret model, but with the fat/hairy European guy with an accent & game you don’t understand. Sparky has been running Tuesday night doubles at the Swamp for years. Jorge  plays here every Tuesday, so I texted him that I was considering doing this. He was shocked as everyone knows my aversion to this activity. However three things swayed me to give it a go:

1: It’s next to College Park so I could hit my alma mater before the round.

2. Hard Times Cafe chili afterwards.

3. Confidence that there is comedy gold in this.

I arrive at the Swamp:


I’m about half a hour early. Our congenial host is nowhere to be found. I run into Silverwolf who for some unknown reason is throwing all of his shots left handed…and poorly. Then Bobby Vodka starts practice putting with his DX Rhynos which quickly digresses into the three of us doing trick putts. The crowd grows and resembles a group of day laborers waiting for a gig:


Sparky arrives and collects our two bucks per head and our mini for the random draw. He shuffles the minis and seems to be having way to much fun fondling them in his Felix the Cat bag:


Of course I’m in the first pair out of the bag and the other mini belongs to Dub:


I can just go sit in my car and wait for Dub to roll in with the winnings. Then I learn that Dub has loaned a mini to Mac who has shown up without his bag! Who goes to disc without their discs?!?! Is he that guy who shows up at a gunfight with a knife? No he’s the guy who shows up at a gunfight with two adult beverages and a container of salted nuts!  So Mac is rolling with borrowed Dub discs…a Firebird, a Nuke, a Pirahna. Hmmm… I’ve played with Mac in the past and he’s comparable to me so we should be okay. Plus his name has three letters in it just like Dub! Then Mac informs me that he wants to be called Cam during the round. Hmmm… We’re carded with John & Dan. Sizing them up I’m confident Mac and I can at least win the card. We’re playing from the white tees. The Swamp is a total pitch and putt course for the most part. Last week the winning score was -16 from the red (short) tees.

Mac: Just  park everything, and I’ll make the putts.

Hawk: Deal.

Mac starts us on the path to victory on #1:


So I put the Coyote 8′ past the basket. Mac steps up and misses the putt. I look at him with amazement.

Mac: I missed that on purpose.

Hawk: Because?

Mac: I don’t know.

Hawk: Don’t make me miss this on purpose.

Mac: I bet you won’t.

Sparky: (from an adjacent hole) Don’t challenge him Mac!

I give it 21% effort and miss the putt in protest. It’s the start to another random draw doubles round. I remember now why I don’t do this!

John saves a three on #4:


At this point Mac and I have gone 3-3-3-3. We already realize we have no chance of winning tonight. Now it’s just a pissing contest. On #6 John hyzered early before the left side mando of the goal posts. Dan had powered past the right side mando so they had to use John’s drive. Dan making the left turn back to the fairway:


John saving another three on #7:


Heading to #8′s tee we pass Sparky’s card as they prepare to tee off on #12. I ask if there’s any possibility to change partners. Mac & I are still even through 7 holes! Sparky laughs awkwardly and tees off:


On #9 John parks the pin with an Avenger SS:


The blue disc on the ground is his drive. He’s just putted out to go up on us by one. Mac collects another three for us. I see my car in the parking lot and seriously consider walking off. Dan drives and makes the deuce putt on #10:


#10′s famous brick oven tree:


On #13 Dan unleashes his Buzzz and parks the pin:


Mac and I get another three after my 35′er boinks off the top. On #14 Mac parks the pin:


That’s his blue/green disc on the ground you can see as Dan makes a failed bid for the deuce. Mac insists on taking my pic as I convert our first deuce of the round:


Like much of the rest of the round the timing was just a tad bit off on this photographic effort. I guess this is why Mac’s sports photography career never really took off.  John daggers us again with a deuce on #16:


On #17 I land the Aviar 10′ from the basket. I return the deuce putt photo favor to Mac:


Dan & John punk us by 1.


I decided to make the 1 hour drive and play doubles at Seneca. It was a chance to get some practice in on a course I don’t play that often. As I roll into a lightly packed parking lot (random doubles at Seneca doesn’t draw like RD at the Swamp) Buckethead (your congenial host) peers around from the back of his Element and grins at seeing me. He provides car side service as he walks over, takes my money and returns with change before I’ve gotten myself and the bag out of the Civic. No minis used here, it’s the labeled poker chip draw from a bag:


I used the same technique back in my days of running Patapsco Doubles. Buckethead inherited his set from Metl who used to run a Winter Doubles league at Seneca before he entered the witness protection program.

The park is pimping some plastic at the Ranger station:


A Wedge? I’m waiting for Innova to introduce a disc called the Slice! It’s 50 degrees with a 20ish mph wind. As luck would have it I draw poker chip A. El Tie Dye draws the other A. Partners! We’re carded up against Kelly & Andy. We’re playing the short tees on 10-27.

Hawk: Are these guys any good?

El Tie Dye: Well Andy is about as good as me.

Hawk: Okay…

El Tie Dye: Kelly is better than me.

Hawk: Is he better than me?

El Tie Dye: Of course he is. I’m better than you!

Hawk: No you aren’t.

El Tie Dye: Yes…yes I am.

Hawk: Whatever…

El Tie Dye: They are both left handed which could prove advantageous on a couple of holes…

Hawk:…a couple!?!?!

El Tie Dye: So how do you want to do this?

Hawk: I don’t care.

El Tie Dye: Well we could alternate drives, one of us could always drive first…I like to have the the other person shoot first on the selected drive…unless you want to do it different.

Hawk: Shut up and throw.

El Tie Dye tees off on #10:


El Tie Dye gets us 25′ below the basket. I make the putt. We start out with a deuce. The lefties deuce also. Kelly makes this deuce putt on #11:


Okay maybe he is better than us. On #12 I unleash an awesome looking drive through the gap that has El Tie Dye and I very excited. Then the wind shoves the disc to the right and slams it into the ground.


It still gave us a chance at the three. I execute an impressive up…

El Tie Dye: That was impressive!

Which El Tie Dye converts for the three:


The guys had told me about the scarecrow hoodie on #13 that apparently has been around unclaimed for weeks now:


Curiously there was no living thing within 150′ of the scarecrow hoodie. On #14 El Tie Dye and I both execute perfectly flawed turnovers into the hill. Because I’m a hero my botched drive went slightly further forward and higher up the hill than El Tie Dye’s leaving him this fabulous deuce putt opportunity:


The basket is 100′ forward and 25′ left. We both somehow got through the trees and down to the ground. I made another 25′er to push the hole against the lefties. On #15 we take El Tie Dyes drive. I zip the Aviar right over the top of the basket from 100′ giving us an easy 15′er for the three on my nemesis hole! El Tie Dye misses the putt. I step up, put the Aviar right in the center of the chains, and somehow it comes back out! Walking away…

Hawk: (muttering) I made that putt…

El Tie Dye: Yes you did.

Hawk: How did that come out?

El Tie Dye: There are forces in the universe…

Hawk: Shut up.

On #17 I zip the Leopard past the basket giving El Tie Dye this deuce opportunity…


…that he easily converts for us. On #18…


…El Tie Dye…


…hits a tree about 30′ in front of the tee. I boldy predict that:

A: We’ll be taking my drive

B: That I can get into the clearing where the basket is

El Tie Dye: You have no chance of reaching that basket.

Hawk: It’s totally in my range.

El Tie Dye: No chance.

I unleash another fantastic looking drive (flash back to #12) and the three guys are ohhhing and ahhhing right up until the moment that I hit some invisible twig branch and slam down to the ground.

Kelly tees off on #18:


Andy tees off on #18:


We three. The lefties four. We get to hole #20:

El Tie Dye: Going to be tough to beat them on this one.

Hawk: You think?

It’s a straight tunnel shot and if you clear the tunnel then you turn to 3 o’clock and head down a slope to the basket. Kelly converts Andy’s drive for the deuce:


We didn’t get a deuce. On #21 El Tie Dye begins a string of holes where he throws his drive into the ground anywhere from 50-75′ in front of the tee. This puts us at a competitive disadvantage. On #22…


(the hubcap has wandered over here now)…I Leopard another drive that looks like it might turn and head towards the basket (my record of accomplishing that on this hole over my career stands at something like 2-29) once again eliciting some ohhhh’s & ahhh’s until I catch the edge of the tree that I had boldly predicted on the tee I would hit. Meanwhile the lefties are within putting range…


…which Kelly easily converts.  On #23 I get us up to the mando/clowns mouth. The lefties are in trouble on the right side of the fairway.

Hawk: Blood in the water!

El Tie Dye: That could be a five.

The lefties throw their second shots:

Hawk: Or a six!

El Tie Dye: We could get 2 back here!

El Tie Dye then lasers his blue DX (who throws DX!?!?) Roc down the clowns mouth and we start thinking 3! I take the Coyote and turn it over a bit more than intended, but it proceeds to wiggle it’s way around, by and through approximately 37 trees to hyzer in for a skip landing that looks to be 5′ from the basket! El Tie Dye and I simultaneously soil ourselves. Meanwhile the lefties are lumber jacking their way down the hole. We mosey confidently down the clowns mouth to see the blue Roc is impressively short of the basket. The Coyote is nowhere in sight. El Tie Dye finds it down the hill behind the basket. We take the Coyote and promptly miss two anhyzer putts. We only get one stroke on the lefties. On #24 the lefties get another deuce…the bastards! On #25 El Tie Dye takes out the Katana…again:

Hawk: Seriously. You can’t throw that.

El Tie Dye: Yes I can.

Hawk: Shall I recount the drives of failure with that thing up to this point?

El Tie Dye: I know, but it’s perfect for this hole.

Hawk: Yeah…

El Tie Dye tees off with the Katana which goes straight for about 0.9 seconds then meat hooks left into the trees. I look smugly at El Tie Dye. My Leopard looked promising but hit one of the last trees before the needed left turn. We find the Katana 20′ from the basket. I make the deuce putt for us to prove the point…never mind.

Arriving at #27 we are three throws behind the lefties so we aren’t winning the card. It’s going to be another Nomads roll out for me. El Tie Dye steps up with his blue Roc and drives it 25′ into the tree directly in front of the tee:


Game, set and match!


Coach had texted me Friday looking for some Patapsco action the next day. We haggled back and forth and agreed to play 27 from the longs at Seneca instead. I continue my testing of the Roadrunner/Leopard combo vs. the Leopard/Leopard combo in the bag. We figured that based on ratings Coach should beat me by 9 throws over 27 holes so that was the goal for each of us.

Take an old bathtub, put a frame around it to turn it into a planter. String some OB yellow line around it to give it a little quirkiness and you have this botanical masterpiece on hole #1:


Hole #2…now this is a bench!


I’ve seen less impressive decks on the back of houses. Coach out drives the basket on #4…


…and makes the comeback for the deuce:


Tsunami debris?


On the first loop of nine Coach beats me by 4 throws. On #13 Coach makes this putt to save a three:


On the middle loop Coach beats me by 2 throws to go up 6 throws overall for the round. The course beautification effort continues at #25′s tee:


We arrive at hole 27. Coach is the ratings predicted 9 throws up on me. If I push the hole I can earn the “tie”. My drive hits an early cedar and my approach anhyzer goes right too soon and leaves me a 35′ putt for the three. Meanwhile Coach rolls under the cedars and is in the fairway with an open look at the basket. His approach is a little short. I’m out and my effort for 3 misses. Coach steps up and daggers me with this putt…


…to beat me by 10 throws for the round!

Quote from one of my buddies at the gym in the afternoon:

Disc golf, it’s golf for the 99%.


Jerman and Jorge had decided to take the Bible Study Tour to Delaware to play in an Association tourney at Iron Hill.


I declined to participate. Dick wanted to go for two reasons:

1. He’s never played there.

2. It’s right next to the casino!

I counseled Dick not to go and risk a point against Jerry as I’ve played the course (and won a title there) and know that the layout plays into Jerman’s strengths. However the Hero of Rockburn remains delusionaly overconfident and headed north to battle Jerman mano y mano.

I went over to Rockburn and had a solo Leopard/Leopard practice round after lunch in possible preparation for next months Rumble there. Just a few quick shots from that round…

Deuce on #3:


Monday I deuced #14 with the Roadrunner on the left side of the basket, today I deuced #14 with the Leopard on the right side of the basket:


I own #14! I have no idea what kind of bug this is:


The Batman Leopard was turning and appeared to be online towards #15′s basket across the creek when altitude was lost, it crashed into the far side embankment and slid down out of sight. It’s either in bounds…


…or naturally it’s out of bounds. The locals of Rockburn await you on Wednesdays:


Meanwhile during the morning and afternoon I’m getting text updates from the front courtesy of both Jerman and Dick…

Iron Hill

Dick: …getting brutalized.

Dick: I’m sure Jerry has to be killing me.

Jerman: …I shot 83 had 3 bad holes.

Dick: Holy crap, 87!

Jerman: A 6-8-6- in a row will kill a good round…

Dick: Better than I hoped. It felt much worse.

Dick: Unfortunately I stubbed my toe hard while adding up my score on the way back.

Dick: Think I sprained it, that won’t help.

Hello! Injuries are never an excuse. I won a title at Scarboro a few years back after spraining my throwing wrist in the first round after a fall.

Dick: This will either be an epic comeback or he will win going away.

Dick: I can’t count on him shooting that badly again.

Jerman: (quoting Dick) Damn I could have bought an entire sheet of brownies! (the boys lunched at Boston Market).

Jerman: (again quoting Dick after Dick gets a look inside Jerman’s cooler and sees Jer’s tourney standard oversized Snickers bars…) C’mon man give me one, who’s your fat buddy?

Jerman: I have him by 2 overall with 3 left to play.

Jerman: He is attempting to reel me in, but looks tired.

Jerman: Jerman 86…Dick 87

Dick: Got it down to 2 with 5 to go but couldn’t Flutie my way to victory.

Scores for the day:

Jerman…83 86 (169)

Dick…87 86 (173)

2012 NutSac Challenge Standings:

Jerman: 2

Dick: 1

Hawk: 0

More photos (that if you don’t see you won’t sleep tonight wondering about them) are available in the Yahoo! group.

Iron Hill pics courtesy of Jerman and Jorge’.

Honk if you’re Amish,





April 15, 2012Permalink