Your Disc Golf Hero

Monday:

I wanted to cleanse my mind of yesterday’s multi-disc practice round at Rockburn, so I put the tourney bag back together and headed back to The Rock.

Ridge, Ibex, Trak and…the Lace. At #1 I promptly put the Lace into the crest. Then I hyzer it badly. Muttering ensues. I salvage the four with the Ibex. Crossing #6′s fairway to #3 I come across another player carrying an enormous Grip bag. We recognize each other. His name starts with a D….

D: Still carrying that NutSac?

Hawk: Both of them.

He remembers my name. He’s D…something.

#3′s basket…This is Disc:

I tee off on #5 with the Lace and I immediately think to myself, That could be good.

Deuce baby! This is the second closest I’ve ever gotten to #5. I threw a Roadrunner under the tray last year. I’ve thrown this drive a few hundred times over the years so this is noteworthy. Who leaves a full bottle of ‘gade behind?

Perhaps it was this guys playing partner:

I tee off on #7 with the Ibex and am pleased with the distance, but I hyzer to far left. Ahead I spy D stomping around the brush behind the basket. D explains that he flicked a Sidewinder down here and is convinced he nearly aced the basket. It’s his greatest drive ever on #7 to this basket. He can’t find it. He has searched deep. I head back up the fairway and he’s 30′ short of the basket against a tree. He’s bummed at his diminished greatness. We agree to play together. I ask his name. Donny! At this point I’m +4. Donny is +6ish. Donny promptly parks #8 and converts for the deuce:

Feel free to make your own Hunchback of Rockburn jokes. On #9 I Ibex down the hill and hyzer short of the creek. All I’ve got is a forehand. I flick the Lace and it looks promising until it ricochets off a tree on the other side of the creek and…

Apparently Macho Man Randy Savage is playing the course ahead of us:

I bomb the Lace down #11 and manage to waste the drive with a four. On #12 Donny unleashes an awesome flick that I call parked…

…for a deuce. I put the Lace against the side of the barn. I have to flick the Ridge towards the basket. Since there is no water around I pull it off for a three. On #13 Donny is deep behind the basket. It doesn’t look like it from the pic…

…but he put this in chain free for the deuce. While driving #14 Donny laughs when I point out that the group on #15 are really horrible, but is unbothered and parks it…

…for his third deuce in a row. He’s in such a zone at this point he putts out while checking his messages. I managed to execute my own deuce with the Trak:

On #17 I manage to swing the Trak wide enough on the turnover to avoid the guardian trees and convert this for another deuce:

At #18 I’m one back of Donny. I uncork the Lace and manage to avoid the trees and the Lace is last seen hyzering towards the basket. It’s a deuce:

Donny and I finish tied at 56. Neither of us suggest a play-off. You can see Donny in the USDGC later this year as Maryland’s representative.

Tuesday:

I hadn’t been to Patapsco Doubles yet so I moseyed over there. It’s not as well attended as other leagues. Tonight there were eight brave souls:

I’m teamed with 15-year-old Matty whose rating is 30 points higher than mine. We’re going up against Waymon and Colin. Patapsco to the long baskets isn’t exactly rife with deuce opportunities so the photos are few. Even from the short tees which we played tonight. We started on #10…

Matty tees off:

Waymon tees off:

Colin tees off:

On #12 I bomb the Lace giving us a 40′er. Matty steps up and takes a run. As soon as it leaves his hand I put my arms up in the air indicating it is good. It hits right-side chains, but his KC Aviar tumbles out to that side. Colombo would call this a clue. On #14 Matty uncorks a roller that lands 5′ short of the old long basket. His putt for deuce…

…misses. I step up with the Ridge and hit it putting us 1 down. On this layout that could be a winning score.

Matty is quizzing me about my NutSac sponsorship because he’s a total dischead.

Matty: So what’s your rating?

Hawk: I’m not current but it’s about 927.

Matty: Don’t take this the wrong way, but how did you get sponsored if you’re not really good.

Hawk: I’m famous.

Matty: Oh…

Then things go horribly wrong. On #17 Matty drives us to the A pin. We both execute ups giving us make-able putts. Matty is 12′ away. He steps up…and misses! I walk up thinking:

• How did he miss that?
• Wow this is really close!

I airputt it! We take a four and the wind is out of our sails. We briefly get one up on Waymon/Colin again on #1, but after hole #4 where my drive is OB in the road and Matty hits early and is short of the road, Waymon/Colin taillight us.

• On #5 Waymon hyzers a drive and just as I realize he is putting for a two he makes the 30′er and the camera is in the bag.
• On #7 Waymon makes an insane 50′ putt to match our four.
• On #8 Colin drives down the pipe and hyzers an approach in for a three.

Ryan/Joel 54

Buschman/Matt 55

Waymon/Colin 55

Matty/Hawk 58

Thursday:

I decided to drive up to Delaware today to scope out Iron Hill. I haven’t been there in a couple of years and if I am going to chase Advanced Masters title glory once again at the end of June I should reacquaint myself with the course. I tried to get Jorge to skip work but he couldn’t slick leave today so I was solo.

Back when I first started blogging for NutSac I wrote these long summaries (amusing as they were) that ended up looking like a grey wall like the front page of the old Wall Street Journal. One day Greg goes,

Have you thought about pictures?

Since the actual tourney is going to be non stop action to get four rounds done in one day I figure that I may not be able to snap that many pics so enjoy this Greg blog special!

I arrive:

I loved Dusk to Dawn! Remember Salma Hayek and the snake dance? Excuse me I’ll be right back. As I drive in, things come back to me. The dog run, the big playground. It’s actually pretty fancy. It’s got a ton of historical info:

I park and exit the Civic. Based on parking I may be the only one on the course at 1145. There is a guy with a metal detector doing his thing around the practice baskets. I desperately want a picture of him digging into the ground with his bowie knife but every time I am ready to surreptitiously snap his pic he looks up.

Near #1′s long tee there is a metal box the size of those utility boxes we used to play on as kids. It’s were the lost discs go:

My plan is two rounds. Short tees to short baskets, lunch, then long tees to long baskets. I decide to document each look from the tee. I figure this will be an effective psychological strategy over Jorge. He will be seeking his first ever sanctioned win while I’m going for #10. I can picture him now looking at these photos and breaking out into a cold sweat and then soiling himself.

#1:

Note the tiny tree leaning in from the left side 20′ off the box. Warming up before starting the round I put the Ibex in that twice. Hmmm…

I get my three on #1. I’m toting the original ‘Sac today with the Vibram 9:

Note the long basket in the background.

#2:

I put the Sole here…

…for a deuce.

#3:

The tee box is a swamp. I think the locals are teeing to the left. I do as well.

#4:

Okay you’ll start to see a trend going forward…

#5:

#6:

The guide arrows…

…prove very useful as my memory of the course is so so.

#7:

Another Sole drive for a deuce:

#8:

#9:

#10:

This was interesting. Note the boxed in tee. I didn’t snap a pic, but the thing is like a planter box. I think the locals are teeing off to the left of the box. That’s what I did.

This butterfly didn’t make it:

#11:

This way…

Or that way…

#12:

I wasted some time on this hole looking for the short basket. According to the long tee which has the hole sign/info on each hole (which I looked at after lunch!) there’s only one basket on #12.

#13:

No this isn’t a drive/deuce pic of 13′s basket, but I wanted to show the cool basket location:

#14:

Now this got confusing because up to this point the short baskets were grey and the long baskets were yellow. On #14 this was flip-flopped. I went to the short yellow.

#15:

Ibex drive results in a deuce:

Yet another interesting marker:

So interesting that when I got to #16′s short tee I forgot to take a pic!

#17:

#18:

I finish at 53. I felt pretty good about that. It must have been the red Vans:

Lunchtime…

• Peanut butter sandwich
• Chocolate chip Clif bar
• Chocolate chip cookies
• Raisins

Get mesmerized by the pretty colors…

While eating I get caught up with messages in my phone. I had texted both Jorge and Dick prior to the round to complain about the $13 in tolls I spent getting to Iron Hill.

Dick: You have to exit at 279 in MD and avoid the $5 in Delaware.

Jorge: Yep…if u get off on the last exit in MD u miss the DE toll.

Apparently everyone is in on this except me.

I never saw or heard anyone else on the course during my round. While eating a guy and girl arrive. The guy approaches me…

Do you know Tim X? I found his credit card on the course the other day.

I resist my first reaction which is to identify myself as Tim X. and not simply as a stranger in this town. The guy figures Tim X. has already cancelled his card. I suggest calling the bank on the back of the card. The guy thinks this is brilliant. My work here done I head back out to go long to long. I’m thinking under 80 is the goal.

This is disc…

#1:

My drive lands 1′ in front of the white tee. I am sensing that the short tee on #1 is not my friend.

#2:

I park the grey basket with the Obex. Unfortunately I’m playing to the yellow basket.

#3:

I unleash the Trak and clear the goalposts turning right…

…and land at the white tee. This time I remember to document this comedy moment.

#4:

NutSac: One with nature…

#5:

690′…par 5…

…you have been warned.

#6:

The tee sign said par 5. I am laying three with the Summit and make the putt:

I’m calling birdie! This spider was as big as the back of my hand:

#7:

Not a birdie but I made this putt with the Summit for a three:

I know, but when there are no deuce opportunities you have to relish in the made par putts!

You have been warned…

#8:

#9:

#10:

The “pro” tee posts:

#11:

A butterfly doing its thing…

#12:

#13:

#14:

Someone didn’t read the sign at the park entrance!

#15:

#16:

I made this long putt for the four…

Birdhouse of my soul…

You have been warned…

#17:

Where’s Jerman when you need him?

I am convinced he could stand inside this tree.The famous altar basket on #17:

I took a six and felt good about it.

#18:

I have no idea what the P is for…

…path, parking, pain? I’m laying three here after a Sole approach. I thought it was a cool pic:

And I made the putt:

Saturday:

It was Bring a Beer Buddy Doubles at the brewery. I confirmed with Dick at 10 a.m. that he was still a go for today. He says he’s in. He was one of the few. I roll out at noon thinking I’ll grab some lunch on the way. You never know about a mystery food truck. I end up making a run for the border and order some bean burritos…

…one of which turns out to be chicken. I arrive at the brewery…

The parking area is less than full. Turnout is looking light. I check in with Freight Train and Gregos:

Our host Matt is already sampling product and operating farm equipment:

I note the food truck is not present. I return to the Civic and text Dick this info. He calls me back:

Dick: I’m no amateur. Do you really think I would rely on a food truck for my lunch?

Hawk: Well…

Dick: I’ve already hit Subway. I’m locked and loaded.

Being 40 minutes early I take my putters and warm up some. I’m actually making putts. During this time Freight Train, Matt and I discuss the ever-changing layout that is Creeping Creek. Matt isn’t sure where he wants to put the elevated basket. I suggest a spot. Matt agrees. Installation begins:

This is so disc! Like I said the putting was clicking…

Dick arrives. He’s less than thrilled with the weather and the turnout. Freight Train Wayne conducts our players meeting:

There are three teams of “pros”, three teams of “ams” and FT playing solo as a “pro”. Dick eyeballs the scoreport and FT is sending the three pro teams out as a six-some. The three am teams are also a six-some and FT is coming with us am’s. DIck and I engage in much eye rolling and attempt to persuade; and then conspire ourselves, out of this debacle to no avail. We start our herd of 7 (8 since Wayne gets two throws on each shot) on #12. Dick and I are playing as Maryland Nomads. Geremy and Tom (I’m shaky on the name thing here…you try keeping seven names straight!) are playing as Disc Golf F’ Ya! Billy and Steve are BFM. They are coy about what this stands for. So after each hole when scores are recorded we each take turns trying to guess what BFM stands for…

This isn’t a good sign…

Someone was having a good time:

You know it may not be your day #1…

We are standing on top of the hill getting ready to throw down to #15′s basket which is inside the treeline. There is a mando arrow forcing you left away from #16′s tee which comes back up the hill. I turn to Wayne…

Hawk: Is the mando in play?

Wayne: Yes.

Hawk: Why? There is no one down there. The only other card on the course is on hole 4 or something.

Wayne: Well we decided to play all mandos.

So I tee off with the Obex and it’s motoring down the hill and then veers a little to the right and zips past the mando on the wrong side. On the plus side it went deep into the treeline towards the basket.

Hawk: Whatever you do, don’t miss the mando.

Dick: No problem.

Dick tees off with his Groove which essentially follows the Obex’s flight path and smacks a tree to the right of the mando.

Dick: Safe!

Hawk: No chance; you are sooooooo past it.

We mosey down the hill. Dick’s drive is 4′ past the mando line. I did manage to make a 50′er with the Ridge to save the circle four and staunch the bleeding.

Geremy runs a putt through the hop ropes on #17:

Followed by his partner Tom:

On #17 Dick drove his TL through the hop ropes and then converted this putt…

…for our first deuce of the day. BFM…Big Female Married?

You know it may not be your day #2…

So we’re standing on #1′s tee which is another downhill bomb. There’s OB to the left and OB 50′ behind the basket. I again take out the Obex and unleash it down the hill. I threw it about 75′ to the right of the basket and as it nears the green it gets fat and turns left towards the basket landing just inside the circle.

Hawk: We can make a 30′ putt right?

Dick: We’re 50-50 90% of the time from that distance.

I step up and bounce the Ridge off the front of the tray.

Dick steps up and airputts his JK Aviar to the right of the basket.

Pictures exist. You will never see them.

Tom’s deuce putt on #2:

BFM…Blowing For Money?

Freight Train Wayne also deuces #2:

BFM…Barry F”ing Manilow?

That Subway lunch Dick picked up on the way to the brewery lasted him nine holes, and the food truck has arrived, so he makes a pit stop before we tee off on #3:

Wayne has two long putts after his drive on #3. I turn to Dick and say,

He could flick this in.

Dick gives me the “you’re insane” look. Wayne whiffs the first one. The second one…

…is in for the deuce! BFM…Bacon Fried Macaroni?

A big drive on #4 results in this deuce putt by Tom:

BFM…By Forced Marriage?

Billy tees of on #5…

…formerly #3 for an easy deuce for his team.

BFM…Blue Flamingo Manure?

Everyone teeing off across the pond at #6:

Geremy:

Tom:

Billy:

Steve:

Wayne:

Dick:

Wayne deuces…

…as the camera gets shaky on me.

BFM…Body Found Mutilated?

Dick also deuces for us:

BFM…Boats Floating Majestically?

Which hole would you like to play?

Wayne deuces #7…

…where we our joined by a young approximately four-year old boy who lives nearby and was speaking what we believe was French. He’s brandishing a piece of wood at each of us in as menacing a manner as a four-year old can muster.

Dick: That’s a hillbilly shiv!

On #8 I drive the Ibex 15′ to the right of the basket. I actually make the putt with the Ridge. I have no photos of this as at this point we’ve been trudging through an overcast mist for about three hours and our enthusiasm is waning.

BFM…Bad Flicks Made?

Wayne deuces #9:

BFM…Buying For Myself?

Dick finishes us off on a high note with another TL drive and this putt…

…for a deuce.

BFM…Big Failure Made?

We finished third in a three team race:

Disc Golf F’ Ya!: 48

BFM: 51

Maryland Nomads 52

Three hours and 21 minutes to play 18 holes. We Nomad rolled out before the “pros” even finished.

YDGH

My life as an International Disc Golf Celebrity means corporate getting emails like this:

Hi Greg
Does Hawk have a passport and a kilt?
I carry a high Vibram NutSac percentage :)
We open in a few weeks, ReBoot Disc Golf Course @Foxlake, Dunbar, Scotland.
Peace

Seamus Scanlon

Have you ever noticed how much Scotland looks like Pennsylvania?

Now we all get our fair share of spam, however this one didn’t actually mention a Nigerian prince and a wire transfer of funds. Once Greg forwarded the email to me I was intrigued by such an invitation from the homeland, and needed to know more about Seamus.

Meet Seamus Scanlon…

How did you get your hands on a ‘Sac in Scotland?

I used both hands

All of them

The English, take tennis player Andy Murray for example, when he wins he’s considered British by the media, when he loses he’s Scottish, Seriously??

I don’t know? I was lucky enough to attend the Glasgow 7′s Rugby Tournament last weekend and watched the US team take 5th place out of 16 national teams, they celebrated more than the first place team it was awesome!

Cheers,

YDGH

*********************************************************************************

Bonus Feature…

The boys in Delaware are holding a one day 72 hole (yes you read that correctly) tourney at Iron Hill at the end of June. This caught my attention. I’ve played Iron Hill twice before and have a glorious Advanced Masters title from there. The course is about 20 minutes away from the Delaware casino. Hence interest from Dick. I suggested we roll up there Saturday to practice, but the rain forecast scared Dick off. He countered with Sunday. I agreed. Saturday he calls me…

Dick: I have to take Heidi to breakfast.

Hawk: She’s your wife not your mother.

Dick: You don’t have a wife and a child so you wouldn’t understand.

Hawk: Whipped.

Dick also had to go into work from 2-6 (you know how these IT nerds are) so Delaware was out. We agreed to meet at Rockburn around noon.

Meanwhile Jorge contacts me last night and informs me he’s going to be joining me at Iron Hill for the 72 hole tourney. Dick had already said no way  because:

1. He barely finished two rounds last time he was there.

2. There’s no way he could be on scene for a 7 a.m. players meeting.

Dick arrives at the Rock. He’s got a present for me:

It’s a tasty Ibex from his recent 4th place Intermediate (a.k.a. The Dude Division) finish at the Punisher. I inform Dick that Jorge will be joining me for some hot Advanced Masters action at Iron Hill.

Dick: I guarantee George doesn’t finish 72 holes.

Place your bets now!

Obligatory shot of Dick teeing off on #1:

His roller goes awry. I’ve got all nine Vibram molds with me today in full practice/demo mode. I tee off into the wind with the Ascent and don’t clear the crest. We’re off! We’re hacking our way around the course. On #3 we catch up to Billstream/Kelly playing doubles against a couple of guys. On #4 they let us play through. Walking up #4′s fairway…

Kelly: You’ve lost a lot of weight.

Hawk: I’ve been at this fighting weight for a couple of years now.

Kelly: You look skinny.

Hawk: You mean chiseled. This is what 45 pull ups a day looks like.

Kelly: Your pants…your ass…it’s sculpted.

Hawk: 235 pound leg press.

Kelly then begins pointing out my ass to Billstream, Dick and the other guys. The guys, shockingly, turn out to not be as enamored with my ass as she is. Dick and I play on. We are without deuces…

Dick’s second shot on #10/You Don’t Want to Be Here:

Found booty at #11′s tee:

Dick’s second shot on #11/You Don’t Want to Be Here:

On #13 I finally get something going when I drive the Ascent here…

…for a deuce after a Sole putt. On #14 I drive the Trak here…

for another Sole deuce putt. Dick has been fondling the Sole for several holes now and is interested. An overstuffed ‘Sac:

We get to #18 with me one ahead. Dick drives to rally:

I drive to protect the lead:

We both blow the drive. Dick flicks a save for a drop in three. I botch the approach with the VP and miss the 33′er with the Sole. We finish tied at 62. It’s play-off time. We redo #18 going to the long basket this time…push fours. We move out to #1 going to #2′s basket. Dick driving for glory:

This time the roller works out and he’s down the fairway centered nicely. I meanwhile go Flutie with the Lace…

…and hyzer it into the rough. My second throw is short. Dick uncorks a SE Roc and lands 20′ uphill right of the basket. I miss the putt with the Sole. Dick steps up…

…and bangs this in for the win. Saturday we’re tentatively scheduled to play doubles at the Brewery.

• One round
• 2 p.m. kick-off
• Food truck arrives at noon

It’s like they designed this event with Dick in mind. I’ll be back to the four disc ‘Sac then.

YDGH.

Dick was at an Association tourney playing in the Dude’s Division so he could eat BBQ.

El Tie Dye was bartending at a “church” fundraiser in the middle of the afternoon.

Jorge was at Seneca.

That equals a solo practice round at Rockburn for me.

On #2 I drive the Lace here…

…for the deuce. Somewhere in Massachusetts a boy named Steve weeps tears of joy.

#4 Who doesn’t love an Astroturf tee?

It’s so 70′s ground-floor patio cook-out time retro.

The drive with the Trak went awry and I ended up with this entry…

…in our You Don’t Want to be Here series.

This is disc…

On #9 I make the rare cross creek drive with the Ibex:

Okay, so it was close.

#14…

…Trak drive for a deuce.

Arrrgh matey,

YDGH

Next up in the cult member spotlight is a man; who based on the photo he sent me, might very well be in the witness protection program. Note he’s not actually looking into the camera. He’s wearing a cap and shades. It looks like one of those surveillance photos an insurance investigator takes when he’s trying to discredit your disability claim, or the FBI shoots of suspected organized crime members. He’s also carrying one of those annoying stools some players tote around during rounds. Hello…you can’t stand up for two hours? I never see Tiger Woods with one of these things hanging on his big Nike bag.

Hawk: You’re walking away from the camera in your pic.

Tom: Have you seen my ass?

Hawk: Ummm..

Tom: It’s awesome!

Meet Tom Snyder…

How long have you been using your NutSac?

2-3 years of frequent fondling.

What made you choose the ‘Sac as your bag of choice?

I went through the standard progression of starter bag to bigger bag and then wanted a GOOD bag. When my NutSac arrived it was obviously a better product and I immediately sent a letter to become a dealer.

What discs do you have in your ‘Sac?

I carry 6 ABC Discs in the front half of my double NutSac. I’ve been experimenting with a couple of Prodigy in the back half to keep my towel company.

What’s your favorite disc?

Flying Squirrel. Especially when it flies and hits a squirrel.

Where are you from and what course(s) do you normally play?

Chattanooga, TN. Area courses: Jack Mattox, Portland Park, Shepherd, Sinks, Cloudland Canyon, and Camp Jordan in non-alphabetical order.

What is your disc golf nickname?

Money.

What’s been your greatest disc accomplishment?

I sold 75 NutSac Bags in one week!

What’s the worse part of playing doubles?

When my partners play sucks more than mine does.

What was your favorite class in high school?

Watching cheerleader practice.

At what age did you finally close the deal with a girl?

Not a very impressive one.

Was an exchange of money involved in this accomplishment?

No, the cops showed up before we could wrap up the details.

When was the last time you vomited?

When I got a bad case of the tea bags.

When was the last time you wet the bed?

You mean not on purpose?

Were these two occurrences related?

Only in a liquid substance kind of way.

Who would play you in the movie of your life?

Holly Finley.

What is your favorite food?

Bacon cheeseburger pizza with a side of loaded nachos.

What is your favorite beverage?

Mayorga whole bean coffee.

What is your favorite book?

Maxim magazine.

What is your favorite movie?

All of the Pixar studio releases that Disney didn’t ruin.

What is your favorite t.v. show?

Knock, knock, knock, Big Bang Theory. Knock, knock, knock, Big Bang Theory. Knock, knock, knock, Big Bang Theory.

What type of music do you like?

AC/DC and Ozzy’s Boneyard on XM.

Sophia Vergara or Shakira?

I did a Google search, but don’t recognize anything either of them are “famous” for.

Katy Perry or Lady Gaga?

I kissed a girl and I liked it.

Batman or Superman?

Superman doesn’t play with little boys.

If you could drive any car/truck what would it be?

A Dodge Viper up Pikes Peak.

How has the online dating thing worked out for you?

My wife hasn’t found out yet so that is good.

Paper, plastic or your own reusable bags?

Costco just throws everything back in your cart.

Cosmo or People?

The one with the swimsuit issue?

What is your favorite color?

Buttered toffee.

Why are we here?

To die and leave bones behind so future dinosaurs can dig us up and wonder what kind of things we were.

I’m waiting for your creepy pic next…

YDGH

Bonus Feature: The Revenge of Dick Myers!

I text Dick this morning: Disc?

We agree to meet at Patapsco at 1300. I decide to throw a round with my overstable Vibram line-up of 170 Lace (courtesy of Steve at corporate who clearly has more faith in my arm than he should), Ascent, Obex and VP. I’m exactly on time. Dick naturally is 20 minutes late. He rolls in on his latest motorcycle. A red Honda cruiser the same shade as the Civic. Per custom we don’t warm up. We decide to throw the Green Monster (long to long). For us we are looking to shoot 72 on this layout. We start on #4 to avoid some other actual discers at a surprisingly busy Big Course today.

I quickly pick up a throw against Dick on our first hole and visions of two weekends ago dance through my mind. On #6 Dick is teeing off with a new pink disc I’ve never seen before.

Hawk: What is that?

Dick: I don’t know.

He tees off…

Dick: It might be a Hurricane.

This is a new level of indifference for us, He has plastic in his bag that he’s not even sure what it is. The Hurricane leaves Dick here…

…for his second shot. Note he’s actually tomahawking with his bag on. Meanwhile the Ascent somehow weaved its way through some trees and I’m actually in the fairway for the first time since ’09. I hyzer the VP towards the basket. I’m smelling a three. With my last-minute bag selection this afternoon I found myself miniless on #4.

Dick: Looks like you’ll be using your phone today.

Hawk: In the car.

Dick scrounges around on the ground and finds me a flat rock to use. Here’s my approach on #6 marked with my rini:

I run the downhill putt for my three, hit chains, the VP drops into the tray…and bounces out! On #7 Dick takes his first six of the day after this putt for five…

…fails. I pick up a throw. Catching our breath on #8′s tee Dick confirms the pinky is a Hurricane:

Dick rallies on #8 when he throws the rainbow Buzzz on his approach and gets a very friendly skip towards the basket. I take a four after I hyzer the VP into a tree. Dick finally has the box again on #9:

Dick: You just throw it down there. Then up into the rocks. Make a putt.

We both actually execute this three. On #10 I eat a five to Dick’s four.

Dick tees off on #11 with his Beast:

On #12 I get the rare three when I bomb the Lace up the slope and then VP up to the basket. Dick fours.

#13 becomes a debacle. With a shot at four Dick putts before me to dagger me into running my scarier and further out downhill putt. He misses and rolls down the hill. Hello six. In the name of sport I decide to run my putt eschewing the lay up and the 98.6% five. Hello six.

Dick threes to my four on #14 to earn the tee on #15:

He picks up another throw on me here. On #17 Dick tees off with the Oceanmaster TL. It hits early and is hyzering down and back into the Valley of Death.

Hawk: That’s a six.

I put the Ascent back in the ‘Sac and fire the Obex up the fairway figuring a conservative mid range four or five is throws on the scorecard for me. Dick sixes to give me a throw. Dick rallies on #18 when I again hit some chains with the VP but it falls out left as I’m slightly off line.

We push the last three holes. Final scores:

Dick: 74

Hawk: 75

YDGH

So when the boys up at the Landfill posted about their Vibram Birdie Bash they also had this Z Tier listed as happening this month. It was a doubles tourney fundraiser for the Harford County Humane Society in memory of one of their locals Tyler who died last year. I didn’t know Tyler but I’m a big animal lover so I figured I’d scrounge up a partner and mosey up for this tourney. I was trying to figure out who to partner with when the idea of El Tie Dye popped into my head. He’s the King of Charity Bowls, so I figured he wouldn’t pass up the chance to participate in this fundraiser. I send him a PM. He replies with:

Let me check with my wife.

The next day I get:

I’m in.

During the days prior to the tourney the Landfill club is promoting the tourney on the local message board, and one day post that they got a big contribution from a type of company you don’t usually find sponsoring a disc tourney:

“Wanted to give a shout out to our major sponsor for Let’s Throw for Tyler Together, Evans Funeral Chapel. In the unfortunate time you may need their services, please give them a visit. Wonderful people to deal with and a big supporter of this event and cause.”

On Thursday and Friday El Tie Dye and I haggle out our getting to the Landfill. El Tie Dye decides to drive to my place and ride up with me. He mentions that he needs to be at the Rockville Unitarian Church by 5:30 since he is a youth group leader there and the kids are having a fundraiser he needs to help oversee. Apparently they are serving mocktails and having some type of casino night.

We decide to arrive a little stupid early since the Landfill locals have posted that in the event the course parking area fills there will be overflow parking nearby, and they will be running a shuttle. Since El Tie Dye is on the clock we decide to be sure to get into the regular parking lot. The locals are expecting a lot of spectators and beginners at this event.

We arrive:

And momentarily panic that we might be late. We sign in with the bowling team…

…and El Tie Dye does his first photobomb of the day. Josh and I exchange some of our usual registration banter…

…and I end up with this photo. It was chilly so perhaps he’s simply covering his nipples. From Josh we begin proceeding down an assembly line of tables. Apparently we get a Discraft disc with our entry fee:

I pass. El Tie Dye is interested. I steer him towards a Comet. Next up was a table with a tourney t-shirt that all the players were signing for Tyler’s mom.

You’ll note the photos of Tyler in the background. El Tie Dye and I look at these and simultaneously have the same old guy thought: That dude is way too young to be dead. We sign the shirt. Next to this table was a table of tourney shirts for sale. They also had pink ones. I tried to get El Tie Dye to buy a pink one. El Tie Dye says he would get a pink one and dye it if they had an XL. The lady working the table digs through the stack but can’t find a pink XL. I’m totally bummed about this. We both buy the standard maroon tourney t-shirt. Across the path from these tables are tables with items that are being raffled off or are part of a silent auction:

Note the blonde in the leather jacket. We may have just met my future ex-wife. There were more women present at this tourney than you would normally find in an entire seasons worth of disc tourneys. Tight jeans and big hair were everywhere. Let’s be honest. Most disc tourneys typically look like a bizzaro Boy Scout jamboree.

There’s another table featuring the catered continental breakfast. El Tie Dye and I grab a muffin.

The players meeting begins and Tyler’s dad greets us:

He’s a little emotional obviously but keeps it together. Apparently Tyler and some friends were in an auto accident and Tyler and a couple of guys died, another guy and girl were seriously injured and are still recovering. El Tie Dye and I exchange another one of those old guy looks. After a moment of silence this guys steps up…

…and goes over the general disc rules as we have a lot of first timers in the field. Evans Funeral Chapel has three teams alone. This lady…

…(seriously do you expect me to remember all of these names?) is from the Harford County Humane Society and thanks everyone for coming out and helping raise money for the shelter. Finally TD Josh…

…goes over the standard OB, tees, rounds, lunch etc. details. I seriously need to get one of these shirts:

El Tie Dye and I are playing in the Silver division. Our card-mates in round one are playing in the Gold division. I inform El Tie Dye that I won’t be wasting any smack talk on guys from another division. We are starting on hole #16. We are playing the standard 18 plus two additional x-holes. When Josh mentions this I look at El Tie Dye and snicker. 4 extra holes. No chance he’s in Rockville at 5:30. We arrive at #16:

I’ve never been to a tourney that was as heavily sponsored up as this one. There was a sign like this on half the holes it seemed. And the names seemed to keep changing at the bottom. Apparently Tyler worked at the Jarrettsville Vet Center so they were big time sponsors as well. El Tie Dye and I are playing as Team Mensa which is a really lame name. I will take the blame for that. Our Gold Division card mates are Stu and Jason playing as Birdies and Boh’s which is a much better name. They are both over 6’4″ tall. I feel like a dwarf. We are playing the blue (long) tees the first round. Stu gets us going on #16:

Then Jason:

Followed by El Tie Dye:

We quickly learn that Stu and Jason flick all their shots. At one point during the round…

El Tie Dye: You guys should learn a backhand.

Hawk: Don’t go all Coach on us here please.

On #17 El Tie Dye powers his Leopard perfectly down the fairway. One second after it leaves his hand I call it being on the green. It is and El Tie Dye converts this putt…

…for our first deuce of the day.

We get to hole #3. It’s a long and narrow gauntlet with the basket in the long position today. It’s essentially impossible. Warming up El Tie Dye parked it with a Roc. We both knew it would not happen again. Stu steps up and unleashes a flick…

…and lands even closer than El Tie Dye did warming up. I have now seen the impossible twice. In the name of disclosure this pic is a dramatic recreation since Stu chain slapped the birdie so quickly I was still fumbling with the camera. Things are getting comedic now as on the card directly in front of us are two of the orange shirt wearing first timers. Stu, Jason and I are totally relaxed. El Tie Dye is going insane. He isn’t really a tourney player used to the slow grind of competitive disc. He generally takes a Roc and speed discs through 27 holes at Seneca during his lunch break at work. Waiting for newbies to sky hook 8 throws per hole is mind blowing to him.

El Tie Dye: Why are they throwing drivers? They should only have a mid range and a putter.

Hawk: You know how it is. You see a newbie on the course and right away you go…”You need a Destroyer!”

I don’t usually put up the pics of the missed putts (though you can enjoy hundreds of them in the Yahoo! group) but on #5 I managed to capture Jason’s VP bouncing off the lid of the basket:

Note also his dejected lean back. It was at this point we were pulling ahead of Jason and Stu leading us to two hypothesis:

1. We should have been playing Gold.

2. These guys are in over their heads.

On #6 I bomb the Lace to here…

…where I miss the putt. El Tie Dye steps in and saves the deuce for us. On #11 Jason drives and deuces for his team:

I put the Trak here on #11…

…and bomb in the Ridge for our deuce. Earlier in the week I’d put together a “wind” ‘Sac of a VP, Obex and Ascent. It was windy and I kept whining that I should have brought that with me this round instead of the standard ‘Sac.

El Tie Dye: I know the parking lot is 3/4′s of a mile away but you’d have time to walk over and grab it before we have to tee off!

On 1X I drive the Ridge and park the basket. The card on hole #10 breaks out into polite disc applause. El Tie Dye attempts to capture me converting the deuce:

He fails, I made the putt. We continue putzing our way around the course. El Tie Dye and I have a low point on #14 where it takes us 5 throws to go down hill. We shoot an even 60. Jason and Stu go 64 and slink away in shame. It’s lunch time. Catered pizza, bags of chips and homemade brownies. The brownies were incredible. We retire to the Civic to eat. Across the road Don is manning a small three hole temp basket course so non tourney folk can get some exposure to disc. He moseys over and joins us. I realize that the bag of chips I grabbed thinking they were Nacho Cheese Doritos turns out to be Cheetos. I try to pawn these off on El Tie Dye. He looks at me with disgust. Don and I begin discussing Cheetos. Apparently the character on the bag is named Chester. I did not know this. I pawn the bag of Cheetos off on Don:

I learn that Don is an acupuncturist and also teaches Qi Gong.

Hawk: Is that like Tai Chi but slower?

Don: Exactly.

I start debating taking the wind ‘Sac with me for the second round. El Tie Dye doesn’t want me to go with three discs I have never thrown before:

Don: Excuse me but don’t you have room in the back compartment to put those three?

El Tie Dye: That would violate his credo of only carrying four discs.

Don: Dude you have to get over that.

So I end up adding the VP, Obex and Ascent to the bag. I haven’t carried this many discs in about three years now.

Our second round start time is 2:00. El Tie Dye is convinced he’ll never make it to Rockville at 5:30. I agree, but tell him that I’m convinced all those newbies in round one aren’t coming back for round two. They aren’t going to want to play two rounds. I am proven to be correct on this. Also we are throwing the red (short) tees this round so we should go a little faster.

Here is Don’s temp course starting point with his piles of loaner discs:

El Tie Dye: See there are no drivers here!

Hawk: That’s a Leopard.

El Tie Dye: That’s barely a driver anymore!

We head back to tourney central and find ourselves on the third card three back of the Silver leaders who are sitting at 57. There are two 58′s, a 59, and a whole lot of 60′s. We are starting on #9 and our card mates are Brian (who you will remember from the Birdie Bash) and Ron. They are playing as: Hyzer? I hardly know ‘er! Our team name sucks sooooo bad. The four of us throw some warm up putts on #8′s basket. While standing around for the start yell El Tie Dye’s smart phone goes off.

El Tie Dye handing it to me: Can you read this?

Hawk: That’s the message you sent me this morning.

El Tie Dye: No the other one. I think it’s from my dentist.

Ron: This is like watching cavemen trying to use tools.

Brian tees off on #9:

Followed by Ron:

And then El Tie Dye:

During our warm up throws pre tourney El Tie Dye had discussed these photos with me:

El Tie Dye: You know those endless photos of guys teeing off gets repetitive.

Hawk: I agree and have actually talked to Greg about that. On the other hand the public likes action photography.

El Tie Dye: It’s a series of photos of guys asses.

The thing we notice about Ron immediately is that he is the fastest player on the planet. I’ve always thought Dick was pretty quick. Dick will step on the tee, rock back once and throw. Ron steps on to the tee and continues forward without stopping and throws. I’ve never seen someone play so fast and nonchalantly.

On #11 Ron and I park the basket:

That’s his TeeBird in the background and my Ascent in the foreground. Ron asks Brian to fill out the CTP card for him.

Hawk: You can’t write down your own name?

Brain: He always asks me to do this.

Ron: My handwriting is awful.

Hawk: Your name is a circle and a half circle. The R is a circle with two legs on it. That’s a stick figure. How hard is that!

Here Brian attempts to write Ron on the CTP card:

El Tie Dye insists on redeeming himself with the camera and captures me converting the drive on #11 for our deuce:

El Tie Dye likes the vertical pics. Ron does manage to convert his own drive for their deuce:

On #12 Brian prepares to tee off with the pinkest disc I have ever seen.

Hawk: Did that come with tampons?

Brian: Yes.

We get to 1X again and I decide to throw the VP this time instead of the Ridge I parked it with in round one.

El Tie Dye: Why wouldn’t you use the same disc you were so successful with in round one?

Hawk: Because I’m an artist.

Here I convert the VP drive by putting the Ridge in for our deuce:

There is no applause from hole #10 this time. Earlier in the round I had commented on how El Tie Dye gets on the tee, and before launching his drive does a weird little three step shuffle before going into his x step. On 2X El Tie Dye powers his Leopard up the hill perfectly.

Brian (to Ron who is preparing to tee of with a Destroyer): Don’t let Mr. Happy Feet punk you.

El Tie Dye converts his drive for our deuce:

On the tee at #16 I notice that Brian’s jeans look amazingly new.

Hawk: Are those pants brand new?

Brian: I don’t think so. Though I’m not sure I’ve seen them before.

El Tie Dye: That’s the beauty of being married. You never have to buy your own clothes again.

Brian: They are super skinny and have some kind of stretch material in them so they are great for disc.

Hawk: Are you sure you aren’t wearing your wife’s jeans?

At the tee on #17 I recount El Tie Dye’s greatness in round one for Brian and Ron. Brian again selects the super pink disc from his bag. I’m close enough this time to see that it is a Surge SS.

Hawk: You can’t throw that.

Brian (pointing at the SS): Yes I can. It’s the ladies version of the Surge.

Hawk: I see.

Brian: My wife got it with a box of tampons she bought at Walmart.

We get to hole #18 and Ron converts Brian’s drive…

…for a deuce. In the background you’ll note two women spectating. Brian walks up to the blonde on the right and kisses her.

Hawk: Can we all kiss you wife?

Brian: Sure for $5.

Brian’s Wife: Only $5!?!?

Hawk: So you’re okay with him pimping you out; you are only objecting to the low price?

Standing around bantering and laughing on #1 Brian’s wife comments that we appear to be the only card in the tourney having a good time.

Brian’s wife: Every group that we watched walking by looked so unhappy and miserable.

Hawk: How can you possibly take this seriously?

At this point we have just fallen behind Brian and Ron. Then disaster strikes. I pump the Lace out to the right of the podium basket on #1. It’s a three from where I am. El Tie Dye then sends his Blizzard Katana off the tee and gets us closer. He runs the putt and almost gets the deuce. It’s a 10′ three from his putter. He steps up and doinks the tray. It’s embarrassing but not problematic. I step up and overcompensate for the upward angle to the elevated basket and doink off the lid. It’s a four. We are suddenly bleeding strokes.

On #2 I am short with the VP and we three. Meanwhile Ron converts his drive…

…for a deuce. Walking up to #3…

Ron: So what kind of physicist are you?

El Tie Dye: Well I work at the National Institute of Standards and Technology where I work on blah blah blah…

It was like a scene in a movie where the alien turns with his ray gun and you don’t see the invisible lazer blast, but everyone falls to the ground stunned into submission.

While we wait to tee off El Tie Dye removes his dyed sweatshirt to reveal his tie dyed Nomads polo underneath.

Ron: I can’t believe he’s got another tie dye layer under that.

El Tie Dye: My wife has tie dyed all of her underwear.

Hawk: I can vouch for that.

On #3 El Tie Dye and I are hacking through the gauntlet. Meanwhile Brian’s drive got distance and a kick leaving them a scary downhill deuce putt. He doinks the tray, but Ron steps up…

…and daggers us! On #4 we are facing a scary downhill deuce putt:

El Tie Dye: Do you want to lay up?

Hawk (prophetically): Do you really care about the difference in finishing 2nd vs. 9th?

El Tie Dye: Not really.

Hawk: Then we have to keep swinging.

We push the hole to apply a tourniquet. On #5 I bomb the VP here…

…to convert our deuce. On #6 I again power the Lace close to the basket…

…and actually convert our putt for the deuce this time. We are three back of Brian and Ron with two holes to go. On #7 I throw my Lace and hyzer out a little early. Brian steps up with his Lace and releases it with some hyzer, it flips up, turns right and then fades a little left passing my Lace and entering the tree line where the basket is. I look away in shame. Brian steps up…

…and converts his drive for their deuce. Note his form-fitting jeggings. Waiting to tee off on #8:

We push #8. Brian and Ron punk us by 4 and Brian gets some revenge for my beat down of him at the Birdie Bash. El Tie Dye and I Nomads rolls out. On the Civic I find one of Don’s flyers for his Qi Gong classes:

Note that it, “invigorates the Organs and Nerves” and that this continues the interesting connection of discers and Unitarian churches. Final results were:

 Note who finished in 2nd and 9th in Silver. When I got home and unpacked my players pack gym sack I find Chips Ahoy cookies among the other goodies. Why didn’t I check for these at lunch instead of those damn Cheetos?

YDGH

I was on vacation this week and the weather finally got above 65 degrees. That meant a few rounds of disc and a chance to demo an Ibex and a Lace.

Tuesday: I had a choice of The Swamp or Patapsco for some doubles action. I figured I’d go with the Swamp since it’s hosted by Cult Member Sparky and I could scope out Maryland for some gym t-shirts.

I got my hands on an Ibex from Scorpio and figured with The Swamp being set up short with mostly A pins, and us going from the red tees, I’d have plenty of chances to try it out.

I’m stupid early. Kick-off is 5:30 p.m. and it’s not even 4 yet. I figure I’ll roll a practice round ahead of the actual doubles. The Ibex:

A little beefier than the Ridge, but about the same diameter. I like that since I’ve always preferred my mid to be the same size as my drivers and putters. For years I carried Spiders for that reason. While navigating my way around the course I find this past #3′s basket:

I found this to be ironic in light of Vibram’s boasts about the durability of their discs vs. plastic. I’m done futzing around and the Ibex seems to not suck. Back in the Civic I check the temp to confirm what seems to be a hot day to test the rubber for meltdown floppiness:

Look into Carol’s eyes. Breathe deeply. Deeply…now bark like a dog. Since I still have some time to kill I begin to peruse the news…

…really!?!? I get out of the car and warm up some putts with Sparky. He wants to engage me in a putting game similar to Horse. He loans me one of his Yeti Pro Aviars so we each have two putters. Sparky takes an early lead in the race to nine. I win 10-6. Sparky slinks back to his ride to fondle the minis in his Felix the Cat bag o’ tricks:

I thought the first really hot day would bring out a huge crowd, but it’s a less than expected turnout in my mind. Sparky asks if I’d like to draw the minis, but I am leery about putting my hand in his bag. He recruits Fred to do the draw:

Note the position of the bag. Note the expression on Sparky’s face. Note the intense eye contact between Fred and Sparky. Note Neil in the background with a look of horror(?) disgust (?) embarrassment (?) and a slow exit stage left. The minis hit the dirt…

…and I’m in the first group. So no Cali/Schitzo/extra throws for me, so I put the Sidewinder back in the back-up ‘Sac and decide to go with just the Trak, Ibex and Ridge. I’m partnered with George. We introduce ourselves:

Hawk: Can you putt?

George: Not really.

Hawk: Nor can I.

George: I’m 50-50.

Hawk: I’ll bomb away and you make the putts.

George: Did I mention I’m 50-50?

Hawk: I appreciate your honesty.

Opposing us on the card is Swamp legend and local SilverWolf and his partner Larry. As Larry steps onto the tee to start us off I notice that…

…Larry is not wearing any shoes! Larry explains to me that his feet have been bothering him, and wearing shoes has been miserable so he’s excited to be able to go barefoot. Larry gets us going:

Followed by SilverWolf:

Who has “bulked up” since I last saw him! George gets our card going…

His drive is decent. I announce that this will be my first competitive throw with the Ibex:

Disc Golf Hero… I turn to George to give him the honor so I can snap his pic:

The historic moment and pressure of playing with YDGH overwhelms George and he misses the putt. I step in and clean up our deuce.

Hawk: That’s okay babe. Just forget about it.

George: It was the camera. The camera made me nervous.

Hawk: Not as nervous as me rabbit punching you if you miss another 10′er.

George: Excellent point.

I park #2 with the Ridge:

George makes the putt with minimal flinching. Then things got stupid. I tee off with the Ibex on #3 and turn it way over right. It actually hits the ground as a roller and is 30′ to the right of the basket heading up the hill 25′ behind the basket. It turns and…

Yes it’s total garbage, but it’s -3 after three for George and me. SilverWolf had a more conventional route with his putter and converts their first deuce…

…with his weird basketball shot flip putt thing. I’m sure it has a name. We screw up #4:

Hawk: Okay we are going to have to ace something because I’m thinking -18 might be the number tonight.

George: Not a problem.

On #5 I drive the Ibex here…

…and we pick up another deuce. Hole #7…the Trak…

…we deuce again. SilverWolf makes this putt on #8 for his team:

We also deuce #8 off this Ibex drive:

As we are ready to tee off on #9 I spy another card watching the Schitzo player tee off on #5:

Unbeknownst to us this is the hot card. It turns out this is where all the scoring is happening. Larry tees off on #9:

Note the bare feet. For the purposes of full disclosure he was wearing flip-flops between shots. Larry converts his drive for a deuce for his team:

He faked me out with a pump-action, so I missed the disc in the air. Oh by the way…note the Ridge to the right of the basket. Here’s another shot of how close it was:

George and I are -7 after the front nine. We should have been -8 but we both botched a 12′er on #6. I start to think we might have a shot at this thing. Ridge…#10…deuce:

We get to #11 and we all comment on how the holly tree near the A pin has been…”trimmed.” It looks like the County came out and cut off the branches on the bottom 10′ of the tree. The branches above that are intact.

Larry: It kind of looks like someone trimmed it to make it look bigger.

Hawk: Like certain body hair regions?

SilverWolf: Exactly.

George: Check please!

Then our ride got a little bumpy. George tees off and misses the mando on the left side of the fairway. From the red tee this is disc shame of biblical proportion. I step up with the Ibex and slam it into the mando tree which might be even more shameful since as the second thrower I should ensure we are safe.

SilverWolf: I’ve made a two from there.

Hawk: Please.

SilverWolf: I’m just saying that I have.

We get to my lie and it’s an impossible hyzer bomb needing a 160 degree or so comeback.

George: It may require a flick.

Hawk: How’s your flick?

George: Not very good.

Hawk: Mine is also not instructional video worthy. I’ll go first just to put all the pressure on you.

George: Thanks.

I attempt to flick the Ibex and it’s a total debacle. Hello four. Goodbye dreams of winning. George steps up:

You can see the basket to his left. I don’t know what disc he flicked but he pulled it off and parked us for the save three. George continues his hot hand converting our deuce on #12:

On #13 SilverWolf mocks me for using the Trak off the tee. I point out that I parked this basket with the Trak warming up. SilverWolf and Larry are teeing off with putters. They spray their shots. Meanwhile George converts my Trak drive…

…for another deuce. Giggle…giggle. On #14 SW turns his putter over off the tee and it’s in the “water” of the creek that runs up the right side of the fairway. The “water” was a lovely shade of…rust…this evening, and had a somewhat gelatinous surface…

You know it’s nasty when it’s 4″ deep and he’s using a stick and standing 2′ from the “waters” edge. Can you say Love Canal? Behind 15′s tee I find another carcass:

Note the “water”. SilverWolf parks and deuces #15:

I convert the Ridge on #15…

…to push the hole. George deuces #16 for us off his drive…

…while I stand around looking cool. On #17 I drive the Ridge here…

…and miss the putt. George bails us out…

…overcoming his fear of the camera. SilverWolf does the weird putt thing again…

…for their deuce on #17. George and I finish -13. I don’t think that will get it done. If we hadn’t blown #6 (which was totally embarrassing) and gotten #14 (a slightly less embarrassing miss) we could have been contenders. At the parking lot Sparky says his team is -14. Sigh…I Nomads roll out.

Results courtesy of Sparky:

Neil/TK -17 won playoff
Doug/Boyce -17 lost playoff
Tex Mike solo -14
JD/Sharky -14
Will R/Ian -13
Hawk/George Shaw -13
Larry/SW -8
Deuce/Magdeil -8
Johnny B/Brad Fletcher -7

Wednesday: I was thinking I would take today off from playing but then a Lace showed up via FedEx from Disc Golf Center:

Since I was 3-0 in my satisfaction with the other Vibram discs I wanted to take this out and give it a whirl. My competitive choices were both doubles:

Rockburn-15 minutes away

Seneca-60 minutes away

I went with Rockburn. First I swing by our new shiny library that replaced the old library next door. It is very fancy. It took me awhile to find the actual books. They were hidden upstairs…as if in shame. I pick up one of the latest from Hard Case Crime:

You should always judge a book by its cover. From there I swing by the Merrell outlet to look for discing shoes. My current ones are about 2 or 3 years old, heavy, and wearing out on the side. I found a lighter trail shoe from their Barefoot Line. As an added bonus they were partially red. With shoes on feet and Lace in the ‘Sac I moseyed over to Rockburn. I chat up a guy in the parking lot who has a 5 month old Shar Pei with him. I head down to #18 where some of the locals have already arrived and begun hydrating…

…for the round. It is 91 degrees by the way. Gump hydrating prior to the round:

In the background is Ron. If disc still is the game where whoever has the most fun wins, Ron will be one of tonight’s losers as he ends up partnered with the annoyed Ox. Shawn from the first round of the Birdie Bash is present. He spies my 4 Vibram disc ‘Sac and engages me in Vibram banter. Meanwhile he is warming up his putting with 3 VP’s two of which are soft. I mean really soft. Shawn says that they are so soft sometimes they don’t even make a sound when they hit the chains. I hadn’t seen this rubber in person yet, but at one point Shawn putts one into the basket and the disc actually tries to squirt out of the backside of the tray:

I head over to #1 to throw some practice drives with the Lace. I uncork it and it turns into a hyzer bomb. I throw it again…same result. Hmmm…where is all this wicked understability everyone was complaining about at Scarboro? I throw it twice back up #1…same results.

It’s mini picking time. TD Jerry invites me to draw. What am I…Vanna White? Two nights in a row the TD tries to get me to do this. Jerry wisely selects the lone lady present this evening:

I suspect this is the closest he’s been to a woman since the war, or he’d really like to borrow her socks. In the background Shawn regrets not wearing his pink shorts and green socks. Minis hit the dirt:

I’m partnered with Neil who had been out on #1 with me discovering that his Firebird and my Lace have a lot in common. Our card mates turn out to be Jerry and a different Shawn who is sporting Sinatra style shades and Vans! On the way to the first tee I spy this:

I manage to resist the incredible temptation of putting it in the ‘Sac and moseying around the course with it for a couple of hours. However I am deterred by the thought of being pursued and pummeled by a group of angry Girl Scouts. Jerry appears ready to roll:

One stool as he’s part of the Can’t Stand For Two Hours Club, several orangeish discs, and a six pack of adult beverages. I only managed to get Neil’s disc in the air on #1:

Jerry tees off on #2:

I…

…get us straight down the pipe with the Trak leaving us with a 15′ putt for a deuce. Neil steps up and gets us to within 10′. Neil steps up and converts the deuce. I doze off and fail to get the pic. On #3 I opt to use the Lace to hyzer into the basket. It does that, but we don’t convert. That thing has a mean left fade for me. Sitting on the bench at #5 I’m mesmerized by my new shoes:

Neil: Are you a Redskins fan Hawk?

Hawk: No. These are my clown shoes from my days in the circus.

Meanwhile Neil unleashes a drive on #5 that results in this…

…challenging conversion for our deuce. On #7 we lose the tee to Jerry and Shawn. Stepping onto the box at #8 I go all Ruthian and promise to park the basket, we will deuce and regain the tee.

Jerry: That’s a rather bold statement.

Hawk: (holding up the Lace) I have a meathook!

It’s a two. On #10 I have my first try at turning the Trak over. It does it and goes deep! Comedy moment ensues when Shawn misses his cards three putt and Jerry has to walk the 100′ to putt out he was hoping to avoid. Looking down on #17 we spy Ron and Ox a.k.a. Team Redshirts. We exchange pleasantries with Ox who seems dissatisfied with how his teams round is going. On #13 Shawn converts this putt…

…for a deuce. On #14 Jerry puts in this putt from underneath the tree…

…for a deuce. Neil and I begin to worry. Regular readers will be familiar with my routine parkage of #14 in this position with the Leopard. I actually blew the Trak past the basket:

I did make the deuce putt despite the menacing downhill. Neil’s drive on #15…

…gave us this putt…

…which he bangs home for a deuce. On #16 Shawn converts Jerry’s drive…

…for yet another deuce. We get to #18 thinking we are tied. I bust out the meathook and actually get us to a putt possibility. Neil then one ups me with his drive. It’s a flashback to #2! We are looking good. The other team takes Jerry’s drive. Jerry jump/run putts it…

and misses. Shawn…

…also misses. Neil steps up…

…and makes what we think is the card winning deuce. Shawn pawns the scorecard off on me to add up…and we are tied! Doh.

Results courtesy of Jerry:

Waymon Peet & Nick Nenno 49

Phil Denhardt & Zach Leuchner 50

Neil Thomphon & Hawk Corrick 51

Mike Stockman & Joe Palank 51

Jerry Curtis & Shawn Alfano 51

Donny Wilson & Steve Hawks 54

Rozzie Pappafotis & Shawn Johnson 54

Ron Amon & The Ox 54

Joshua Bohannon & Mike Peyton 54

Jeff Kennedy & Zain Marfani 54

Ben Church & Steve Werneth 62

Thursday: If it is Thursday that means Triples at Druid Hill Park in Baltimore. When I leave my place it is 80 degrees and sunny. When I arrive at the park 30 minutes later it’s overcast. Thursday Night Triples is the big “doubles” event each week in the area. Players are self rated on a 1-5 scale. 5′s are the big boys. I’m a 3. Random draw. Each team of three must be made up of a total of at least 7. I run into Flippyputt and we throw a couple of practice holes. On #3 there is an OB jogging path down the right hand side of the fairway. I take the Lace and bomb it over the OB line figuring it will hyzer back in. I land 10′ from the basket. I’ve never been past the tree before! Hmmm…

We head back to tourney central for the draw. Rob and Gawler…

…are ready and willing to take your money. The minis are drawn and stacked in threes:

I’m starting on #9 with Andrew (you may recall he, Greg and me winning the Druid Hill Charity Bowl months ago) and Jason. I’m thinking we have a shot to be decent.

Jason gets us rolling:

Followed by Andrew:

We go 0-3 on our birdie putts from Jason’s drive:

Stand by for a recurring theme. #10 we take Andrew’s drive…

…and go 0-3. The blossoms are out in full force:

On #11 Andrew unleashes an awesome flick leaving us with this putt…

…which we go 0-3 on. On #12 we take Jason’s drive…

…and go 0-3 on the putt. #13…

ditto. #14…

…ditto. This is beyond embarrassing at this point. On #15 I catch a scenic shot of Andrew teeing off:

We take Jason’s drive who simply walks up…

…and makes our first deuce! #16…

…we go 0-3. What you thought momentum was going to break out? On #17 I figure I can meat hook the Lace up the incline towards the basket, and actually do. We have what should be a makeable putt for the birdie. See previous hole recaps. Andrew bombs his drive a little closer…

…and collects our second deuce. Note the Lace in the left background. On #18 we are going to the island green. We take Andrews drive…

…and go 0-3. Back on the front nine we take Jason’s drive on #1…

…and go 0-3. On #2 we take Andrew’s drive…

…and Jason hits the putt for our deuce. On #3 we take Andrew’s drive…

…and return to form going 0-3. At this point Andrew and I have resorted to my tried and true philosophy of just throw it really hard. I unleash the Lace on #4 landing here:

I replicate Jason’s strategy from #15 and walk right up and hyzer the Ridge in for the deuce. Note Andrew indicating the Ridge actually in the basket. Obligatory product placement:

#5 has a new basket position way up the hill to the right. Jason is rolling with some Vibram discs also. He’s been flicking his Lace and hammers it up the hill for an awesome drive:

We go 0-3. There’s a back up on #6 since the basket is in the E position which is barely still in the park…and the park is huge! Greg (the third part of the triumphant Charity Bowl victory) walks up and goes, “Anyone want to hacky sack?”

Meanwhile the temperature has dropped 15 degrees and we are all seriously getting cold. #6 doesn’t appear to be deuceable for us. Andrew elects to throw his second shot from his drive. Jason and I go from Jason’s. I hyzer the Ridge down the road and park the basket. I miss the 10′er. I call for Jason. He misses the 10′er. Jason calls for Andrew who comes over and makes the putt for our three. We can’t make eye contact with each other at this point.

#7….ditto.

#8 I take the Ibex and land 15′ from the basket. Naturally I miss the putt, but Jason steps up…

…and gives us a high note to walk away with in the gathering dusk. Team scores courtesy of Turbo:

-11 (winning score)

-10 (2 teams)

-9 (2 teams)

-8 (1 team)

-7 (3 teams)

-5 (4 teams)

Yes we tied for DFL.

Who doesn’t enjoy a triple feature?

YDGH

*Bonus Feature: The Return of Dick Myers

On Friday Dick calls to tell me he’s signed up to play in the Punisher next month…

Hawk: I thought you were retired.

Dick: I am, but Vegan Ray is catering the BBQ lunch.

Hawk: So you signed up for an Association event just for the lunch?

Dick: Like I haven’t done that before?

Hawk: Couldn’t you just pay for the lunch and roll in at noon?

Dick: You know…that’s an idea!

Later Dick texts me: Any action tomorrow?

At first I’m not sure what he means by “action”. Then I figure out he means disc. I reply that I might do Druid doubles or check out Patapsco. He replies he could do Patapsco between 11 and 12. Match on! Now this is a somewhat stunning development since I haven’t seen Dick play since North vs. South back in October, and know of him only playing once since then when he played/paid off Jerman back in January.

Dick and I end up in the line to enter the park where the guy taking the entrance fee clearly wouldn’t cut it working at McDonald’s where speedy retail transactions is the key to survival. Dick parks first and spots someone of interest teeing off on #10. Meet Cult Member Michael:

Naturally Dick and I don’t warm up at all. We proceed to #1. Dick is sporting his recently acquired Masons ring:

Hawk: Has that gotten you laid yet?

Dick: Absolutely not!

Hawk: You look like the Green Lantern.

Dick: I like to think of it as more of a Power Ranger kind of thing.

We decide to play the short tees to the short baskets. I capture Dick teeing off on #1:

This drive on #3 with the Ridge…

…gets me the first deuce of the round. On #5 I drive the Trak here…

…for another deuce. Dick teeing off on #6:

Dick snaps me with his iPhone on #6:

Dick launches his TL on #8…

…which s turns towards the basket looking very promising. He converts this putt…

…for the deuce. On #10 I get back on the deuce train when I put the Ibex here…

…for my two. The wheels come off on #12 for Dick when I put the Ibex about 15′ short of the basket. Dick elects to go with one of his Beasts and tries to spike hyzer it in. It doesn’t hit the plateau and sails right down the incline towards the river. We hear it crash land into some leaves. We look…for an exhausting 30 minutes. We are confident we know where it should be but can’t find it. We rappel down the incline further than either of us has ever gone down toward the river before but there is no sign of the red disc. Dick eventually has to do the walk of shame back to the tee. Meanwhile I blow my drive into a horrific four earning only a one throw advantage from this debacle. On #15 Dick drives his rainbow pride Buzzz here…

…and converts for the deuce. I find this latest bit of philosophy on the bench on #16:

As both of us had predicted Dick fades after #15. Scores:

Hawk: 56

Dick: 63

As we head to the parking lot I jokingly suggest going around again. Shockingly Dick says he would be up for that, but we need to grab some lunch first. Lunch with Dick means Subway. Dick suggests we do a crosstown and head over to Rockburn instead of returning to Patapsco. We hit Subway and Dick starts sexting Badger who is having a disc yard sale today. Dick figures he can pick up something that will “go left” to replace the lost Beast. I suggest a meathook Lace. We arrive at Badger’s place and there are actually people buying plastic. Dick finds a Pro Destroyer he likes. I figure there is no way he can throw that. The transaction takes place:

Nipple tweaking an added bonus win visiting Badger’s garage. Note how DIck is morphing into a total Lex Luthor look. As we are departing Badger sells a JuJu to a passerby for $5. This man knows no shame! We arrive at Rockburn.

Dick tees off on #4:

On #7 I find a flyer for the upcoming Punisher…

…that someone has chosen to embellish. Dick teeing off on #7:

On #8 Dick drives the Destroyer here…

…but misses the putt. Note the Lace in front of Dick’s drive. Here’s a closer look after I convert the drive for a deuce:

Dick left his mini in the Mini Cooper. He resorted to using his phone during the round as a marker. Here you can see Dick utilizing the iMini on #11:

I keep waiting for him to step on it, but he manages to not crush his phone. We putz our way around the rest of the course going deuceless. Scores:

Hawk: 58

Dick: 64

Yeah I pounded a guy who hadn’t played in three months,

YDGH

The folk at Scarboro ran one of these on Saturday. I had never heard of a Birdie Bash before, but figured it to be similar to a Discraft Ace Race. I’ve always thought the Vibram discs were the coolest looking discs, and the rubber feel separated them from the other manufacturers plastic, but had never tried one out. The Birdie Bash gets you two discs for $25. I figured I could check out the rubber vs. plastic thing, so this Z Tier had to be a part of the 2013 Z Tour. Besides I can never pass on the chance to make the drive up to the landfill.

Part of the registration process required me to actually pick the two discs I wanted to play with. This caused some panic on my part since I know nothing about their discs. You pick one of four putters and then one of their mids or drivers. Now I have to do research! I bopped over to talkdg.com and jumped on that ad they have for the online flight guide from Inbounds Disc Golf. After playing with the disc comparison feature matching up Vibram discs with my four Innova molds (you never realized how much work went into being YDGH did you)  I went with the Ridge as my putter as that seemed similar to my KC Pro without being quite as overstable. Now I really was intrigued by the Ibex, but I was worried that Scarboro might be set up too long for me to mosey my way around with just a putter and a mid, so I picked the Trak as my driver as that seemed that most compatible with my Understable Bag of Thunder.

So Friday night I start to fret that the Trak will be too overstable and I’ve screwed myself from a competitive point of view. I figure I might be able to swap out the Trak for an Ibex at sign in. Let’s face it; it’s a disc tourney. I’m going to show up and there will be a pile of discs on a table and I’ll just cat burglar an Ibex in lieu of the Trak. No one will be the wiser save the guy who rolls in late to sign in who wanted an Ibex.

Saturday I roll out. In full disclosure I have to say that The Big Screens GPS let me down this time as it wanted me to drive all the way up Route 1 from 695 to get to the landfill. There was no way I was going to sit through all those stoplights. I did that when I got lost leaving the landfill a few years ago on my first trip up there. I went out to 95 figuring I could force the GPS to take me the route I wanted to use. I cleverly knew it would likely want me to exit and go through downtown Bel Air, but that the smart way to go was one exit North of that exit. I bypass the exit the GPS instructs me to take. I smugly roll on to the next exit; where things look not like my preferred Route 543 path, but the dreaded downtown Bel Air route! Punked by the Navigator Ap. Damn you Android!

I arrive at the landfill:

The first thing I notice is one of those pop up shelters set up across from the sign in table. It’s some company pimping out a small disc bag! It looks like some kind of fanny pack. The sign says: “Carries 5-8 discs”. This sounds familiar. It’s too early for a sponsorship confrontation so I pass on getting a pic. Though the guy running the booth has a hot blonde with him. I sign in where I am enthusiastically greeted by the event staff…

…and these bastards are organized. Each player has a plastic bag with their discs (and a t-shirt) already inside to expedite the process. So much for my devious disc switcheroo plan. I slink back to the Civic to check out my swag and tools for the day:

Somewhere a Chinese takeout is missing some of their bags. So I got a t-shirt that I had totally forgotten was part of the deal:

As a big fan, and bad practitioner, of abstract art I like the front. On the back:

As far as disc t-shirts go this is pretty good. It’s also a decent quality. We all know how most disc tees are so thin you think they are the leftovers from someones wet t-shirt contest from last summer where thinness and tear-ability are the most crucial characteristics for the garment. It also is red which is key to my possibly actually wearing it in the future. I don’t recall picking a color at registration so this could have simply been fate. So here are my discs:

I had asked for the Trak to be 165 and it says 165 M on the back. Is it really 165 or did one of the Scarboro boys just Sharpie that on there themselves? The Ridge is 172. I wanted 175 but being the skilled discer I am I can deal with the missing 3 grams of mass. They seem rather pliable. I worry that this could be a problem, and wonder how they would hold up on a 95 degree day. The grip is better than any disc I’ve ever held. As you can see they are mostly green. I hate green. I also think this would be a problem in the summer when the disc world is green. They do look cool though.

Eschewing my usual aversion to actually warming up I figure I’d better hit the course and throw the Trak and see how much trouble I’m going to be in today. I mosey over to #1. Two guys are there. I watch the first guy warm up his Vibram discs by launching them up at a 45 degree angle and they super hyzer left about 75′ off the tee. Hmmm… I turn to the guy standing next to me and we exchange looks. Meet Cult Member Brian:

I proceed to interrogate him. Brian explains that he normally carries a different bag for tourneys with more discs but since we’re only rolling with two discs today he’s busted out his ‘Sac. Stand by for a recurring theme…

Brian is local and he and I decide to warm up together. I launch the Trak and it is lazer straight and seems to go about as far as my Leopard/Sidewinder normally goes on this hole. Brian proceeds to run me through nine holes warming up. I card three birdies. Naturally I worry I’ve shot my load warming up. I’m also envious of Brian’s discs which have cooler colors than mine. Strike two against me. During this warm up I run into local Don. We embrace. It lingers. It becomes awkward. We don’t make eye contact the rest of the day. Brian and I head back in for the players meeting. Our TD of the day is Mark:

Note in the background the rival bag manufacturer. Mark introduces him and describes how the bag (which looks kind of like a fanny pack) straps to your thigh, “like a holster.” The blonde is disappointingly covered up due to the current temperature.

Mark then proceeds to run through the scoring system which totally confuses everyone. It goes like this:

If you hit any piece of metal (including the lock) on your drive, or your birdie putt, you get 1 point.

A birdie gets you 2 points.

An ace or eagle gets you 5 points.

We force Mark to run through this about a half dozen times.

Mark then pimps himself for some votes. Apparently he’s in some contest Vibram is running to get free stuff. He wants us to go to their website and vote for him. I offer to sell my vote to him.

And yes you saw that correctly; meet Cult Member Mark:

In round one I’m with Shawn, who I know, and is better than me, Mike and Kris. We are starting on #7. Heading out to our starting hole I spy something of interest on #6. Meet Cult Member Josh:

Keeping what is quickly becoming the theme of the day…Meet Cult Member Shawn:

Shawn actually has a Trak in his regular bag. Clearly this gives him a huge competitive advantage over us. Shawn went with the VP and Lace to expand his Vibram arsenal. Later I learn he has putted with a VP in the past! Ringer! We begin bashing. Shawn tees off on #7:

Followed by Mike:

Then Kris:

Mike bashes the first birdie of the day:

We learn two things quickly about the format:

1. You run every putt. Blowing by matters naught.

2. You cheer missed putts to roll and curl back to tap the pole.

Shawn has named his VP after a former Soviet leader due to the putters distinguishing characteristic:

Mike deuces #8:

Mike deuces #10…

…in what is looking like it’s going to be a beat-down for the three of us. Kris teeing off on #11:

I…

…finally get into the game on #11 when I put the Trak here…

…for my first deuce. Kris also had a successful drive when he converts this putt…

…for his deuce. In the comedy moment of the morning he reflexively grabbed his Wizard out of his bag and putted out with that. He apologizes profusely. We let it slide since he was 4′ out and we all agreed that even I could make that on a redo. We mocked him for carrying his other discs for no apparent reason other than habit. I park #16 with the Ridge…

…for a deuce. Mike runs his Sole at #17:

During the round we enjoy the Scarboro background music which is local John bellowing several holes away. Faithful readers will remember John as the Rockburn slapper, and the Scarboro slappee of prior blogs. Shawn deuces #2 with his overstable VP:

Walking up to #3 Shawn and I try and figure out what the numbers on the bottom of the discs mean:

We obviously know what turn and fade mean but don’t know what values 8 & 9 represent. I theorize that the 450 means in a perfect world I should be able to throw the Trak 450′. We all enjoy a hearty laugh at that prospect. My farthest throw ever was 375′ with a Groove before I gave that up. We are clueless on what the 50 could mean. Shawn tees off with his VP on #3:

Followed by Kris:

Kris bombs this in on #4….

…for a deuce. Note my Ridge to the left and front. I blow the putt. Mike cards another deuce on #4 with his Sole:

Shawn matches him with his VP:

Yeah so I botched the star frame. I get my revenge on #5 when the boys whiff:

Mike:

Shawn:

Kris:

Meanwhile I got CTP with the Ridge for a deuce:

We finish the round. Shawn has graciously kept score for all 18. He adds it up and…

Shawn: You won the card.

Hawk: Disc Golf Hero baby!

I’ve got 11. Shawn and Mike have 10. Kris had 6. We head back to tourney central. I retire to the Civic to eat and bust out The Big Screen to try and solve the mystery of the flight numbers on the bottom of the discs. It turns out the 50 is the ideal speed of release in miles per hour to achieve the maximum distance of the disc. So my Trak will go 450′ if I uncork it at 50 mph. Clearly my arm speed is not 50 mph since I’m tossing the Trak in the 300-320′ range. It did go further than the Leopard/Sidewinder I normally roll with on holes I’ve driven in the past with a Leopard/Sidewinder. The turn and fade indicates degrees off the straight line. Aha! The rubber is definitely floppier, but that didn’t seem to be a problem in performance or throws. As mentioned the grip is very good. So good that dirt actually sticks to the disc, so you have to rub it off periodically. I did see some players having grip lock issues and yanking drives over due to the unfamiliarity of the grip vs. plastic. The other thing I noticed is that unlike plastic discs when these hit the ground they don’t skip. I’m assuming that’s the rubber factor. I return to tourney central to inform Shawn of my flight rating findings. I run into…Cult Member John:

No that is not apple juice in the glass. Yes that might be underwear he’s wearing. Learning we have another half hour to the second round I head back to the Civic. I pass two guys in the parking lot and overhear…

Player A: Sunscreen?

Player B: No thanks I’m good.

Player A: You’ve got a nice tan by the way.

Hmmm…

When I return to tourney central I again run into John:

He’s drinking Pong beer. Now; though I don’t drink, I’m familiar with many beer brands, and have never heard of Pong beer. It’s back to the phone to Yahoo! Pong beer. They have a website. It comes in a 30 can “rack pack”! It’s the “official beer of beer pong.” They have a YouTube video:

http://www.pongbeerusa.com/close-up#!__close-up/gallery

I am totally convinced that following John around with a camera could be the greatest reality show ever.

TD Mark gathers us around for a group pic he can send to Vibram to prove this event actually happened. The blonde from the holster bag kiosk takes our pic. She’s out of the big hooded coat. Several of us express our interest in getting our picture taken with her vs. her taking a group shot of us. We discuss how much we’d be willing to pay for this.

In round two I’m carded with Cult Member Brian from my morning warm-up, Scott, and Matt. We are the second card so we start on #2. Apparently my 11 has me in eighth place. Matt gets us going on #2:

Followed by Scott…

…who is rolling with two discs in hand and his big ass towel. Followed by Brian…

…who is in full Unabomber mode. Brian putts on #2:

Matt putting on #2:

Scott deuces #2:

Matt parked…

…#3. He was so fast all I got was him bowing to acknowledge his greatness. I get revenge for my first round debacle on #4 with this Ridge drive for a deuce:

Scott deuces #5:

My Ridge drive on #5:

Brian insists snapping me putting my deuce on #5:

Check out my ass. All that leg press work at the gym is paying off! In the background the card on #7 attempt to recreate the Abbey Road album cover. Scott deuces #7:

My Trak drive on #7 for another deuce:

This was better in terms of distance than I had ever done with the Leopard/Sidewinder on this hole. Hmmm… Scott unleashed an awesome tomahawk on #8 leaving him with this deuce putt:

The Ridge and I deuce #9:

The Ridge and I deuce #10:

Scott: Anytime you want to start missing Hawk will be fine with me.

Matt deuces #11:

The Trak and I deuce #12:

So we get to #13. It’s uphill, there’s a bunch of trees and rocks. It’s the only par 4 on the course today. I botched this so badly that my discs are in the ‘Sac after three throws with no point potential, and I’m not halfway up the fairway. Scott is laying two. He’s got an awkward 75′ turnover to the basket for a three. I don’t get the camera out figuring there is no chance. He unleashes his putter and it’s golden halfway to the basket. It hits dead center chains for a birdie. It was the best shot of the day I saw. Scott birdies #15:

Matt putting on #18:

He’s ditched the hoodie to reveal a Vibram t-shirt which says, Trust your rubber. I explain to Matt that I’ve been doing just that for 33 years now. We get bogged down on our last hole #1. Some casual players have shown up. Two guys, two gals, two dogs. We enjoy the scenery, and I’m not referencing the guys or the dogs. Most of the cards are rolling in past us. John leads a chorus of heckling as Matt tees off. He handles it like a Scarboro veteran. Scott punks me 16 to 14. Matt and Brian finish behind us.

Naturally I Nomad roll out before winners are announced.

Official Results:

Place / Name / Rnd 1 / Rnd 2/ Final
1st Steve Campbell 14 /16/ 30
2nd Shawn Johnson 10 /18/ 28
3rd Scott Hawks 12 /16/ 28
T-4th Dave Dietz 3 /22/ 25
T-4th Hawk Corrick 11 /14/ 25
T-4th Jake Grimm 13 /12/ 25
7th Josh Scarff 6 /18/ 24
8th Dennis Borries 15 /8/ 23
9th Paul Laubner 13 /8/ 21
10th Matt Dietz 12 /8/ 20
T-11th Brian Curlee 11 /8/ 19
T-11th Don Simonetti 7 /12/ 19
T-11th Rob VanDroof 5 /14/ 19
T-14th Cory Sokolis 8 /9/ 17
T-14th Dan Hiser 9 /8/ 17
T-14th Mike Malone 10 /7/ 17
T-14th Ryan Sokolis 8 /9/ 17
T-18th Anton Smith 8 /8/ 16
T-18th Eric Grosh 6 /10/ 16
T-18th Jeff Grosh 10 /6/ 16
21st Mark Laubner 4 /11/ 15
T-22nd Jared Brazil 9 /5/ 14
T-22nd Jon Bojarski 5 /9/ 14
T-22nd Josh Lemly 7 /7/ 14
T-22nd Joshua Hays 4 /10/ 14
26th Nick Carrillo 5 /8/ 13
27th Steven Penton 6 /6/ 12
T-28th Andy Haller 7 /4/ 11
T-28th Ryan Beckner 8 /3/ 11
T-30th Ben Garback 3 /7/ 10
T-30th Phil Caine 7 /3/10
32nd Zakk Bailey 3 /6/ 9
T-33rd Dayne Markland 3/ 5/ 8
T-33rd Kris Kehr 6 /2/ 8
T-35th Jimmy Scarff 5 /2/ 7
T-35th Mark Snyder 4 /3/ 7
37th Tim Przekop 5 /1/ 6
T-38th Anthony Mayer 2 /2/ 4
T-38th Glenn Anderson 4 /0/ 4
T-40th William Detwiler 1 /0/ 1
T-40th Darryl Broll 0 /1/ 1
T-42nd Doug Hentz 0 /0/ 0
T-42nd Glen Kron 0 /0/ 0
T-42nd Ryan Moyer 0 /0/ 0

The Trak and Ridge are going in the ‘Sac. I’m going to try and track down an Ibex. Several players were using the Lace today. It’s flight numbers would make it appear to not be a candidate for the Understable Bag of Thunder, but most of the players using it found it to be surprisingly understable. Those familiar with the Trak felt the Lace was more understable than the Trak but longer.

Hmmm…

YDGH

Regular readers know that in my nomadic travels I regularly run into fellow cult members toting their ‘Sacs around on courses. Who are these people, and why do they frighten other discers? In an effort to answer these burning questions I’ve decided to start profiling cult members. If you would like to be the subject of a cult member profile email me a pic of you with your ‘Sac, and a bio. I’ll send you some questions. It’s that simple. Just those few steps will put you on the path to becoming an International Disc Golf Celebrity just like YDGH. Pics and bios can be emailed to cultmember@nutsacbags.com.

For the first cult member profile I’ve selected Sparky. He’s been in the cult since ’11 and someone I’ve been discing with since ’02. Meet Mark Sherwood:

How long have you been using your NutSac?
1 year, 8 months I remember it well, I won it at the Calvert Nutsac Open, playing Advanced I won by a stroke coming from the second card to the dismay of three players who tied on the lead card. That year I won titles in 6 divisions, 3 pro and 3 am!!!
What do you like best about your ‘Sac?
It is light, no strain on the back, and with only a few discs, disc selection is easy.

What discs do you have in your ‘Sac?
163 Tern, 163 Mamba, 167 Glo Ontario Roc, 174 Yeti Pro putter.
What do other players most often ask you about your NutSac?
Nothing.
How long have you been discing?
Over 50 years, just over 50 disc golfing.
What if your favorite disc moment?
When I perform well and cash/win.
What other hobbies do you have?
Mountain Biking, Ping Pong.
What are your turn-ons?
Friendship, competition, love.
What are your turn-offs?
Negativity.
What are your ambitions?
Keep on truckin’
Favorite food?
Pad Thai
Favorite beverage?
Yuengling
Favorite book?
As You Think
Favorite television show?
Masters
Favorite movie?
Life of Pi
Favorite song?
Make Room for Me off of Chris Smither’s latest CD Hundred Dollar Valentine.
Have you ever been convicted of a felony?
No, how dare you ask …
When was the last time you actually kissed a girl?
Friday
Do you sleep on your side, stomach or back?
side
What was your first personal experience with death?
Don’t remember.
When did you get your first doll?
???
When did you learn there was no Santa Claus?
6 ish
Did you feel different as a child?
Yes and No.
If you could have dinner with five famous people from history, who would they be?

(Sparky provided no answer to this question. Apparently he couldn’t think of anyone more interesting than himself to dine with.)
What one word would you use to describe yourself?
Spark
When did you find out life is not fair?
Listen to my favorite song and you will know.
Why are we here?
To be part of the fabric of the universe hopefully in harmony.

Since Sparky (yes I bastardized his nickname years ago…it almost evolved to Snarky at one point…and then there is the whole Apeshit tradition which I’ll save for another time) is local I arranged to meet up with him at Rockburn to take his cult member profile photo and throw a round.

I arrive to find Sparky coming out of the porta potty. He pops his trunk:

Well that certainly confirms one of his answers. He has sharks on his dashboard:

I find this to be a little creepy…

Sparky: I was going to meet a friend here.

Hawk: Do you often meet men in public parks?

The creepy meter climbs a little more…

Sparky calls his buddy while I mosey down to #1 to lounge on a bench. I find this timely sign:

Sparky joins me. He wants to bet me a Nassau. I don’t bet on disc anymore. He then tries to sell me a Maryland bag tag. I’m appalled. He looks so sad I agree to the Nassau. $1 on the front, $1 on the back, $1 overall. Sparky is actually carrying five discs in his ‘Sac today. He’s added a Bolt. I have no idea what a Bolt is. I think this is bad karma though. We both botch our approaches on #1. Sparky tees off on #2:

He picks one up on me. We get to #4. Sparky’s drive hits early…

…leaving him this second shot:

I smell blood in the water. It’s a push. I finally do something when I bomb #5 and convert this drive…

…for a deuce. Note Sparky in the background marking his putt for three. I piss it away on #6. Sparky tees off on #7:

Sparky has this for his third…

…and I again am smelling blood in the water…for naught as he gets his first tree love kick of the day. We push everything else. Scores on the front:

Sparky: 32

Hawk: 33

Since I never play the back as well as the front I’m not liking my chance$. I promptly give one away on #10 to live up to my back nine tradition. We push a few more holes.

Sparky barely keeps it on the course on #13:

The Bolt goes far and a little right. We’re not sure if he’s OB in the creek or not.

Sparky: May I throw the Tern as a practice throw?

Hawk: Normally I wouldn’t care, but it could give you a competitive edge going forward.

Sparky: Please…..?

Hawk: Hello you are the one who insisted we put money on this.

I walk down the hill snickering. It’s another push as I blow another opportunity. We get to #14. Sparky hits early. I do the standard Leopard…

…for another deuce. We get to #16 and I go, “Who would leave a bottle of sun screen back here?”:

Ohhhh… I call the long basket hoping for some disaster for Sparky. His drive is solid…

…but he botches his approach. I go all heroic. I get another throw back. We are even for the day heading to #17. Sparky is looking around for some help:

We’re still even at #18. I call the long basket to settle this like men. Sparky chases my impressive drive:

I three. Sparky fives.

Scores on the back:

Hawk: 27 (60)

Sparky: 30 (62)

YDGH…

I know what you are thinking:

1. Didn’t he win last year?

2. It took you three months to get this blog up?

Yes Jerman won in 2011. None of us are happy about the back to back win. I tried to pay Jer off at the Druid Hill Charity Bowl back in January, but he stood me up. Dick managed to play a practice round with Jer (Dick’s last round before he gimped off into semi-retirement) at Rockburn a couple of weeks after that tourney and paid Jer his $100. The scorecard we used today was actually the same card Jer and Dick used that day. Apparently Jer hasn’t played since then. He’d doubtlessly like me to post those scores:

Jerman: 59

Dick: 61

Curiously it appears according to the card the guys skipped hole #4. So their likely scores from that day would be 62/63-64/65 for the full 18.

I’ve been trying to pin Jer down since January to play a round and pay him my $100 and present him with his trophy NutSac. Our schedules haven’t synced up since I was Z touring like a maniac and Jer was following Railroad Earth up and down the Mid-Atlantic. Today we finally both had a free day. We meet at Rockburn. I present Jerman with his $100 and  trophy bag:

As usual I fight to keep the bile in my throat.

Jerman: Thanks! What’s the bet this year?

Hawk: There isn’t one. Die.

We eschew warming up and mosey down to hole #1. While waiting for the foursome in front of us to clear a lone player saunters down and loiters behind us. I invite him to roll with us. He agrees. His name is Jake. As we are putting out on #1 (Jer is eating a six) Jerman goes, “Behind you hero.” I turn and see…

Meet cult member Jonah. We get to hole #5 where Jake has uncorked an impressive drive…

…which he converts for the first deuce of the round. Jake carries this momentum into hole #6 where he promptly turns his drive…

…over into the trees down the right side of the fairway. Jerman follows Jake’s route:

Having learned from their mistakes I naturally hyzer my drive to the left of the fairway:

When walking up #2 I had spotted a white disc laying near the basket. Walking down #6 after our drives the white disc is still there. I go and pick it up:

It has a phone number on it, and Jer has his cell with him, so I ask him to call the guy since he may still be on the course. Jer dials the number.

Jerman: He’s got a cool ringtone.

Hawk: Do the kidnapper thing.

Jerman: (adapting generic terrorist accent) We have your Katana. If you ever want to see it again call back and we will negotiate the terms of its release.

Jake: I think it may belong to Jonah’s group in front of us.

Jake tees off on #7 heading for a six:

Jerman captures the power of my drive on #7:

Walking down #7 Gary from the foursome in front of us walks back to reclaim his Katana.

Jerman: If he got that message he’s going to think we’re really weird.

Hawk: We are.

Scores on the front:

YDGH: 33

Jerman: 34

Jake: 36

On #10 I get to pick which basket we throw to. It turns out the long basket isn’t where the tee post said it would be. I inform Jer and Jake. Everyone agrees to go to the short basket off our drives. I bounce this effort…

…off the top for another missed deuce. On #11 my drive is bad. My second shot isn’t much better. It’s a kneeler for my third shot. Jer, who loves the in trouble pics, creeps in behind me with his cell…

Jerman: You almost nailed me with your pull back.

Hawk: I reached back as far as I could.

Jerman tees off on #12…

…and his drive hyzers to the right behind the barn. Jake powers his drive on #12:

I’m back of the bus after my spectacular 5 on #11:

Jer has to up and over the barn to get to the basket. His disc crashes onto the roof and rolls down towards the basket. It’s a four. On #14 Jer hits the fence short. I hit the cedar short. Jake tomahawks past the basket to the path. I manage to bomb in my putt from here…

…for a deuce. Jake matches my deuce with one of his own:

Jerman tees off on #15 one behind me:

We push. At #16 I get to declare which basket we are going to. I select the long basket figuring I can hyzer around the turn better than Jer and possibly push the lead to two. I hit early left. I start hacking…

It’s a five. Meanwhile Jer converts this putt…

…for a three and takes the lead by one. On #18 I tee off…

…after Jerman confidently called the long basket. I’m way up the fairway, Jer is early left, but it’s a push four.

Scores on the back:

Jer: 29 (63)

Jake: 29 (65)

Hawk: 31 (64)

Jerman: Seriously I’m willing to bet again…

Bite me,

YDGH

Okay so this isn’t the greatest event name ever. What about Blarney & Beer? Or Throw Far & Up? Throwing O’ the Green? Growlers & Rollers? Putting for Gold? The Shamrock Struggle? I could go on. Uninspiring name aside this was a must stop for the Z tour. The Ruhlman Brewery folk were hosting this one and it was another team concept event. TD Matt and Jdot had been throwing around ideas late last year. They were considering dividing the Maryland courses into two teams to battle it out. They eventually dragged me into this brainstorming and I came up with the idea of Under 40 vs.40+. I also came up with the bad team names of Young Guns vs. Masters. On the plus side Matt went with the concept. On the negative side he kept these names.

There was not much chatter about this event leading up to Sunday so I was concerned that we’d not only lose to the younger discers, but have poor attendance. Friday night I started texting and pm’ing every active 40+ discer I could track down. This met with limited success as some of the usual suspects were playing an Association event in Delaware on Sunday. Those Tools!

Sunday morning I roll out and it actually feels kind of warm as opposed to the Miserable Weather Tour I’ve been on so far this season. I actually start to think the vest might be overkill. 50 minutes later I’m at the brewery. I’m one of four cars. I start to get worried. Registration closes in 45 minutes. I mosey up to the registration table and notice two things:

1. It’s windy and cold on top of this hill.

2. It’s flurrying!

I sign in and peruse the various info at the registration table:

More players roll in. Here’s an interesting bag design:

For when you just can’t fit all your discs inside! And if that’s not quite everything you want/need to tote around you can add one of these:

This was not the only player employing this hydration strategy. This is Taco…

…and his insanely cool hair. Jdot cannot compete though he tries…

There’s a players meeting. TD Matt runs through the course hole by hole. I don’t pay attention. This would have been a bad thing except Coach was on my card and he, as always, paid attention. The course layout has been altered since my last visit and there were a few instances of hole progression confusion among the cards observed during the rounds. Then our State Tool introduced a gentlemen from Carrol County who told us the County was looking to put the first disc course in a public park, but the County has no money so it needs to be privately raised. $500 per hole and the course exists! This solicitation was met with lukewarm applause and no apparent donating. The first round begins!

 As mentioned I’m carded with Coach, Billy and Jesse. We get to start on hole #1. We get to hole #3 which is a new creation at the brewery. It’s 204′ across a valley. It’s totally a putter drive. It should be oh so deuce-able…

Coach tees off on #3:

Note the broken concrete slab tee. This is another new recurring feature at the brewery. Billy tees off…

…and yes he needs a belt! Followed by Jesse:

None of us deuce. Billy came closest with this effort…

We walk away in shame. This is the basket on #5 which was the pond drive:

Note the festive Mardi Gras chains that several of the baskets now sport at the brewery. My drive tickled the right side chains. Yes I missed the comeback deuce. On #6 Coach misses the mando, so he eats the penalty and re-tees. Later in the second round we learn the mando isn’t in play anymore. Oops! Meanwhile three of us are in the creek:

Fortunately this is casual water today. Unfortunately my shoes aren’t waterproof. Coach mocks me while standing in the creek sporting his water proof shoes. My socks are soaked. However spares await me in the Civic at lunch. Coach deuces #8:

Note the disc nearly cutting through and out the back! Meanwhile Billy is beating Coach and I down for the Young Guns. We get to #9 which is another new hole. The basket is a tad bit below the tee. So below that the flag is on a bamboo pole that juts about 50′ up in the air! Coach tees off on #9:

Billy on #9:

Followed by Jesse:

And bringing up the rear…

Note my disc is actually in the air. It’s another deuce for Billy on #9:

Note the insanely tall and thick bamboo pole running up through the tray. It meets with Jesse’s approval:

Hole #11 now features a mando…

…and an improvised wall of bamboo. It also has a tee pad that makes you throw through a goalpost that your mind keeps telling you you are going to break you hand on during your back swing. The teepad on #13 is a unique driving experience:

Hole #14′s tee sign claims that the elevation change is only +35 feet.

It looks more like +60′ to me. The tee sign on #15 coming down the hill says -70′. Hmmm… #14 is the old basket buried in the ground trick:

Coach “runs” his deuce attempt…and fails. Hole #16 now features the Singapore Sling basket:

It works your head a little when it really shouldn’t. This was my disaster of the day. My second shot lay up attempt roars past the basket into the corn field beyond. Now I’m faced with a 20′ putt that if missed is potentially rolling down the hill somewhere in the 150′ range. The smart move is to sissy up and take the four and move on. It looks make able though. I miss. It doesn’t roll down the hill! I have another 15′er up the hill for my 4. I miss that, and it rolls 20′ down the hill. I up and in for a six. Sigh… There was an extra big downhill field hole to finish the round. #19 was something like 598′ My drive went something like 500′.

Coach: That’s only semi impressive because it’s downhill.

Hawk: Did your downhill drive go 500′?

Coach: No.

Hawk: Exactly.

The sun glare prevented an accurate shot of this crucial information next to #19′s basket:

Coach bests me by one 64-65. Billy punks us. We punk Jesse. Lunch is provided by Ledo’s a local pizza franchise. Since it’s St. Patrick’s day the menu is the traditional Irish lunch of…

Ham and cheese sandwich.

Chicken wings.

Coleslaw.

Sweet potato fries.

Round two finds me starting on #10 with the ever present Coach, Rick (also a Master) and Young Gun Dustin. #10 is a dinky 200′ish shot that has OB water on both sides of the fairway about 150′ towards the basket. It should be totally doable. Coach and I both bricked it in round one. We practice it several times warming up debating putter vs. mid range. Coach selects putter. I go mid. I deuce it to start our round. We get to the aforementioned goal post tee on #11: Coach tries to not let it work his head:

Followed by Rick:

Dustin is next:

#15 is now a shorter downhill effort that should be deuceable. Coach demonstrates how to do it:

Rick’s deuce is even closer:

I take a really bad four. Back to #3 someone finally deuces this thing when Coach curls this putt in:

Shameless product placement:

On #4 Dustin’s drive kicks left way early and actually lands near #3′s basket. See photo above for his second shot options. His options are not thrilling. He decides he’s going to try and throw through the shed to #4′s basket. It’s an entertaining concept. His second shot lands two thirds of the way in the shed. His third shot…

…gets him on the green. My drive and deuce on #5:

 Coach tees off on #8:

Followed by Dustin:

Rick brings up the rear…

…but is the only one to walk away with the deuce:

Coach and I shoot matching 58′s. We are pleased with our improved scores from round one. We return to tourney central to find snacks o’ plenty:

We are the first card done. I’m hanging around to find out which team wins. I mosey down the hill to find TD Matt’s card playing #3. And like our card players (in this case TD Matt) are not…

…getting the supposedly easy deuce. That is unless you are this guy:

On #4 I snap this pic of TD Matt’s bag and water bottle:

Hawk: You drank that whole thing today?

Matt: No I drank one during the first round. This is the second round one I need to finish before I putt out on this our last hole.

Jdot snapping pics of missed putts:

Back at tourney central I run into Rob and the mystery hot girl friend from the Whispering Falls charity bowl. I get the pic I forgot to get then:

Note Rob’s….expression. Impressively he tied young Will for first place in the individual battle. Wait…what’s that on her hip…

Yet another use for a ‘Sac when you aren’t playing, but merely caddying for your boyfriend! Will successfully photobombs this unexpected double product placment. Coach and I continue to mill around to find out which team won. Jdot and the Glove are working the score-port:

Jdot is overcome by the Sharpie fumes. I get a pic of the tied winners:

They elect to split the first place money and skip the play-off. Will continues to hold Rob up as we await results. I find the source of the coleslaw from lunch:

I’ve never seen coleslaw from a milk carton before! Then things get sketchy. TD Matt announces, “To avoid the appearance of impropriety my father will now add up the scores in the brewery and announce the winning team.” That certainly eliminates any conflict of interest! The two of them retire to a smoke filled back room:

We still aren’t sure how the team scoring is being done. There were 10 Masters and 12 or 13 Young Guns so the bottom two or three Young Guns won’t count. It will be our 10 vs. their top ten. Matt’s dad comes out and announces the Young Guns win 1241-1245. Apparently it was simply a matter of adding up the strokes for each team.

Official Results:

YDGH